up again

2008-01-19T23:46:00.000+08:00

and i dont know how to be fine when i'm not...
just so you know these feelings taking control of me

this might be sudden news to some, but nothing surprising to others.
i've moved to http://xoplastichearts.livejournal.com
most entries are friends-locked at the moment, but i'll start some public ones when i'm not feeling too emo.

so for those who doesn't want to read emo entries, do not add me as a friend. and if you do add me as a friend, please state who you are so that i can keep track of who's reading my private posts.

and thanks to all of you for being such faithful readers of signedandsealedwithlove for the past year. thank you for either being the silent reader who keeps my visitor counter jumping, or for the more vocal one and tagging. thank you for those who bothered to tag and try to provide some form of advice/encouragement or just to tell me that you're still reading this blog and concern with what i'm going through. i'm sorry that i dont usually reply my tags but i do read them very often and whatever you guys say do have an impact on me. i promise that i'll be replying the comments you leave on my livejournal.

i might or might not be deleting this entire blog. but i prefer not to at the moment as it holds many precious memories i've had for the past year or so and i do intend to revisit both the good and bad ones occasionally, just to remind myself that i've been through worst in the past.

so i hope it's a fresh start over at xoplastichearts and do keep checking there as i'll try to put up public posts.

2008-01-19T00:55:00.000+08:00

letting go of the past, moving on the the future with a brave heart

easy to say, hard to achieve

i had a really long day in school today and i was pretty zoned out towards the end of the day. i decided to just attend chem tutorials and lectures as they're held during my breaks. so i might as well attend just in case i decide to have h1 chemistry. results should be out most likely on thursday and friday. \=

attended ine first meeting today and i'm still q apprehensive about it. shall just see how it goes.

headed to marina sq after cca and met chuting, edwyna and peiting. met zifang on the bus already and we kind of talked about jae. more like she talked and gave me advices while i listen. but thank you for reminding me about God's plans and words. thank you for your encouragements and reminders which i'll bear in my heart. i might not have said much during the entire bus trip but i was listening and reflecting alot. it's really not easy to trust and keep faith especially when i'm doubtful of myself which in turns make me doubt God to a certain extent. but i'm thankful for all that you've said and done. it's really difficult and mentally draining to actually think about and apply all of them, but i'll try and stop running away like what i've been doing lately.

dinner was at swensons which as usual burnt a hole in my pocket. i started the week with over 50 in my wallet and i ended the day with having to withdraw another 50 from my card. great, about 80bucks spent on food alone this week. plus it's not like i keep going out to eat or anything. i'm "swearing" off bubble tea in nj for the next few weeks and i shall go to budget places like food courts or even hawker centres for food. if not i shall just starve myself and not eat. even better, can lose weight! to lose 3kg! hehe. ok, i know i sound pretty extreme here. but if you know me, i wont be able to keep that up for long. anw i like sinful indulgence such as chocolates, ice creams etc so much, it's impossible for me to shed any pounds. although eating can be such a pleasure, you've got to have the money first before you can really enjoy.

and so we spent the rest of the night just talking, laughing, cam whoring and basically being a joke to this waiter because peiting was being her usual loud and hilarious self which must be pretty amusing to the waiter. then we went over to marina bay for a walk plus more photos.

pictures to keep you guys entertained.

disclaimer: i look really bad because i didn't go home at all while everyone else was all dressed up. and in any case i'm so shagged

this was on monday when we had island creamery

words i couldnt say,

emotions i couldn't counter

2008-01-16T22:50:00.000+08:00

i'm going back to crescent tomorrow. i cant wait to see the familiar red parade square, the familiar sea of yellow and peacock green, the pigeon holes where we stuffed our mountains of essays before the o's, the library where we had steaming cups of milo while mugging our asses off, the fact that i could walk straight into any toilet and not worry that i'm in the male's toilet, i can sit and talk like an ahlian without worrying that people would start to judge me and give me weird looks. the bottomline is, i miss my second home and i dont know when i'll really start to feel that way in jc (wherever i am even after jae).

i'm already tearing as the past memories come flooding back while typing this entry. but i hope i dont break down tomorrow. i want to be strong for my juniors, for you, you and you. and most importantly for myself. crying doesn't solve anything and it only makes matters worst in certain cases. i'm happy to be back in crescent tomorrow, even if it's just for awhile. i need to be happy, to show that i'm happy.

ok, enough about lamenting. it's only the 3rd day of official lectures and tutorials and i have homework piling up. not a good sign at all. i dont understand why people say first month is honey moon, because it doesnt seem that way with people finishing their tutorials way ahead of time and looking as if they understand every single thing the lecturer is talking about. it's stressful and eats up my soul bit by bit as i realise how inadequate i am. i'm so tired i really dont feel like going to school anymore. i'll probably sound like the world's biggest loser lately, but this is one of the only few ways i get to pen down my thoughts and sort them out.

maybe i'll look back one day and laugh at how immatured and childish i am right now. and frankly speaking, i despise myself for being such a weakling right now. where's the drive in me? no matter how little i had to start with, at least it was there. but not anymore.

goodbye emo yuexi, hello to my second home.

2008-01-15T20:41:00.000+08:00

and with a tear in my eye, give me the sweetest goodbye (from laura's friendster picture caption)

we've received individual timetables today and mine is rather shitty. like i only have lessons till 1030 tomorrow and i've got to wait all the way till about 1340 for CAAL which only ends at 1510. )= i really dont know what i should do to kill time? maybe i should attempt to get myself fit by running on the track tomorrow. but it would look so funny to do it alone and i dont know anyone else who has similar timetable as me. or maybe i should just force myself to sit down and read through plate tectonics, do math and probably find out the lecture times for chemistry so that i could sit in. tomorrow is not the only day with lots of empty slots between lessons.

i'm so emotionally drained each day i just come home at 3plus and sleep all the way till 6. sleep allows me to stop thinking about the future, about results day which should be in about a week's time, about what is in store for me. and i tend to eat alot when i'm stressed. which is a really really bad thing. it's kind of pointless to talk to anyone about my fears anymore, because i've either told them or it's just the same few advices. ultimately the decision lies in me and myself. no one can help me make the choice. i guess i just need to take a break from it all. talk to everyone about anything except school/jc life/results/cca. i just want to pretend that nothing is going wrong in my life and i'm in absolute control like in the past.

why is it that everyone else is having no problems at all settling down while i'm taking such a long time. i didn't expect to feel this way at all. it's so much worst than i thought. maybe i'm not giving myself a chance, but whenever i try to smile, it just feels so fake. i've never smiled from the bottom of my heart for a long time and that's really tiring.

2008-01-14T23:12:00.000+08:00

it's only monday and i'm counting down to the weekends

official start of lectures today. only attended geog h1 and chem h2 today. technically i only had to attend geography, but i was interested to find out how chemistry would go just in case i decide to switch over to science stream, or take h1 chem.

geography was super freaky because we're only going to cover plate tectonics for the entire j1 year. and the scary part is i've not touched the whole chapter for o's so i'm quite lost when the teacher teaches. plus she asks each and every student in the class questions which is super freaky because there's only 16 of us and i hardly know anything about plates! gosh. i was dying in that 50mins. i hope it gets better after i attempt to digest every single word in my marriane chong before the next lesson. now i understand why people say nj is a mugger school. not that it's a bad thing. just that it sucks to know that everyone in the class understands while you're q lost. and that's what i mean when i talk about the whole 'small fish in a big sea' concept. hahs

anyway went to the library to slack for about an hour before deciding to attend bio lecture with weiwen since she accompanied me for geography. was rather reluctant and i just spent the time reading the chem lecture notes while the bio teacher droned on about some bio concepts which were super similiar to organic chemistry with all the saturated and unsaturated double carbon carbon bonds.

next up was chem and i felt more at home there. finally one lesson for the day which i was able to understand and grasp. of course there are certain concepts which i still need to revise through since it has been months since i've touched chemistry. i shall continue to crash chem lectures as long as my timetable permits me to do so.

last minute decision to meet edwyna for lunch at serene centre. island creamery after jap food. at this rate i'm going to balloon into a lump of fat. no more sugary, fattening, oily and sinful food for the week. and once again, food is sapping me of my money. )=

ok. short one today because it's my brother's turn to use the net. i'm still stuck with the LAN cable till feb because that's when we can switch over to the mio plan.

2008-01-13T21:16:00.000+08:00

arms are for hugging, ~~but lips are not for kissing~~

HAPPY SEXY SEVENTEENTH SUIKIM PAL!

stay pretty like always and remember your six months singlehood promise still holds! hahs. anyway i'm really glad to have such a wonderful friend like you. we're 8yrs and counting. that's really really long. i'm glad for having you by my side throughout this whole difficult period of growing up, knowing that you'll never judge me and will always be there to listen to me. there were times we didn't talk for weeks or even months, but you've always hold a special place in my heart and will never fail to pop out in my mind at the most unexpected moments. taking this opportunity to wish you all the best in this year and remember to stay true to yourself. remember that in whatever you do, i'll always be silently supporting you and will always be there for you. love you with the whole of my tiny heart! ((=

xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxo

your bestie,

Yue Xi

hahs. ok i added in that last part of the title myself. but this tittle is of relevance ok! simply because suikim and liting gave me this shirt when we met yesterday for an early 17th birthday celebration for suikim. anyway we did the usuals of sitting down to a long long dinner at newyork newyork and updating each other about our ~~love~~ lives. oops! sorry for all the random words/phrases. i think i'm abit high now. although i'm feeling sad too. ok i'm contradicting myself. but yea, we talked for pretty long before deciding to go because the people were kind of chasing us away. dinner was ex! i hate the stupid service charge and gst. it's burning a hole in my pocket. i spent more than 50 bucks this weekend on just food alone. plus the rise in cab fare has put me off from excessive cabbing lately. i cant believe my mum keeps telling me that i shouldn't get too upset because it's justified for the rise with all the inflation of petrol costs. oh wells.

anyway, we decided to move to esplanade rooftop terrace to continue with all our girl talk. saw amanda there and i think she grew taller yet again. goodness, give me just 5-7cm more and i'll be eternally grateful. yea, so my saturday night has been spent chatting with my lovely besties and i'm glad to hear both of you are doing well. stay strong ok? and liting if you need to talk, remember both suikim and i are here for you. although we might not have gone through the same thing or might not know the right things to say, but we'll be your listening ear. (=

we ended the day with a slice of heavenly tiramisu at chocz before heading home. mummy cheated me cause she told me that i could take bus 10 all the way home from esplanade which was faster than taking mrt then bus. but i had to walk so far to the bus stop. from esplanade all the way to clifford pier. plus i was alone and there were funny people hanging around clifford pier area. and then i waited for more than 20mins for the damn bus. goodness i was so pissed off. i was so glad to be home and crashed almost immediately. wanted to stay up till 12 to wish suikim but i fell asleep at about 11.50pm. \=

anyway church today was fine. i still fell asleep during sermon though. hate myself for that. sunday school was ok too. i kinda like my class. (=

was a last minute decision to go out to meet chuting and edwyna. parents weren't too happy because they find that i've been staying out late too much. but i've only stayed out late on friday (which was for campfire) and saturday. plus i reached home today at about 7.30pm. i guess they just want to see me around at home more often and so that i can clean my room. gah. i keep procrastinating.

and parents have given me this talk about the whole bgr issue a few days after * called me on the cell.(which they somehow found out) i'm just glad they didn't keep it up for too long and they trust me for having the maturity to make decisions for myself. i'm glad they're not like some others who breathe down their children's neck and really make sure they dont step out of the line. anyway i've made a promise to myself and i really do intend to keep to it. if i dont, i think i'll be more disappointed in myself than my parents would be of me. if you want to know what it is, just ask me. i've actually made that promise q some time ago, but only decided to share about it recently. afterall it'll be easier to get reminded if i do get tempted in any ways.

moving on, i heard another shocking rumour that results will on 19th jan, which is really really soon! i didn't expect it to be so soon, and i'm secretly hoping that is not true. because if it is, it means that i've got to really sit down and think through if i want to stay in nj. there's so many factors to consider i really dont know anymore. i miss the old me when i knew exactly what i wanted to do and where to go. the yuexi who never hesitates about her decision and had the bravery and confidence in herself. plus the decision is now even tougher because parents have opened up another option for me, which is acs (ib). very long time ago, i did consider it. but i soon ditched the idea due to the steep school fees. but my parents surprisingly offered to send me there if i wanted to although i've never mention about this little fantasy of mine. but now i dont really know much about the whole ib program and i'm q apprehensive about it. and of course there's still the constant battle between staying in nj or not. i kinda like the environment but the whole subject combi thing is rather upsetting. i dont know if i should continue to be stubborn and insist on my 4 h2. or just give in to h2 history and h1 geography just so i can remain in nj. and i'm afraid of all the smart people around me. it can get so stressful. for those who know me, you know that i dont work well under the pressure of trying to surpass others. i only work well when i try to beat myself. and this can only be done when i know that i've got the potential to do so. just like the whole nanyang pri vs crescent issue which i've shared with some close friends. hiaz. decisions decisions.

ok, lessons are starting proper from tomorrow onwards and my timetable sucks so bad. i only have geog lecture and contact time tomorrow which adds up to about 2hrs only. but i've got to stay in school from 7.30am-1pm. with so many empty slots in between. ))= and i might be crashing ac soon just so that i can find out how lessons go over there. my brother has 2-3 extra ac badges. so who's interested to join me? hahs. but i'm such a scaredy cat cause i'm afraid i'll get caught. plus i dont really fancy the idea of producing a parent's letter on the first week of proper lessons.

ok...this is such a long post. shall entertain you guys with pictures which i finally got from suikim. sorry for looking so bad. at least i wasn't late for once on that day ok! i conclude that as long as i dont attempt to dress properly, i wont be late.

presenting to you my pretty besties since primary school! (((=

2008-01-12T11:43:00.000+08:00

every experience begins with the first step: njc orientation 2008-STEP UP

ytd was a really long day in school because we stayed from 7.30am till 9.30pm. we had the usual stuff like mass dance, og bonding, gang bonding etc in the day. it was pretty fun during mass dance because we've finally completed all 2 official dances and learnt the third one. although i really do have super poor memory which results in me relying on others for the next dance step, it was nice to just sweat it out and have fun. plus it was cool that i didn't have to dance with any guy for this week's mass dance sessions cause the twins held on to me tightly to prevent us from being seperated. and as for yesterday, weiwen and i held on for dear life too so that parvan wouldn't drag us to join another og. from past experience, it isn't as much fun dancing with a guy. esp when he's so anti social and doesn't take the initiative to do anything. mummy reckons it's just because i'm too used to being in an all-girls environment. hahs. but guys can be such 'jerks' at times. (oops if i offend anyone!)

so anyway, we had dinner at al ameen behind beauty world. and i can hereby conclude that cheese mushroom prata + curry + teh bing=very bad combi because i felt like puking so badly after the meal. i dont know if it's because of the excessive oil from the prata/curry or was it because of some funny reaction of curry and teh bing. but whatever it is i felt so uncomfortable. )= and just when we were about to finish our meal, it started to rain cats and dogs so we were stranded there for about 15mins while waiting for the rain to die down. in the end we resorted to running in the rain when it died down to a drizzle. but my second pair of sports shoes for the day still got soaked through and i was left with slippers for the rest of the night. luckily i brough extra sport shoes and slippers.

moving on, campfire night was cancelled because it was drizzling/ground was wet. ))= so we had dance party instead. initially we were still trying to dance because the hall was pretty cool with ALL lights off plus disco lights and smoke. but i couldn't really stand the pounding of music against my eardrums plus i didn't know of any cool dance moves to groove to the music so i kept escaping out of the hall. and so it got pretty boring for me. and i conclude that i wont like to go clubbing next time because the whole noisy, stuffy and sweaty environment do turn me off. i hate it especially when someone sweats so much and accidentally touches you. the sweat gets on you and it's just plain gross. oh wells. just my personal opinion on this. and in any case many of the guys were trying to hit on girls and that was q disgusting too. lucky i didn't stay in there for long. there was once when i went in alone to try to look for some people and this group of cat high guys tried to dance with me. like WTH!

decided to go crash HC campfire instead. which was pretty cool cause they got a fire! i wanted to see a proper fire so badly ever since crescent's campfire on friday. but of course the main motive was to see my darling edwyna baby. ((= gosh i miss you so much. although we stood rather silently for most of the time, i hope it cheered you up to see my face. stay strong bestie! anw i spent more than 40mins trying to get out of the mega huge school cause the first 2 gates i went to were locked! damn. i was so frustrated and alone. it was so freaky cause it was dark and i was all alone plus edwyna's phone died so i couldn't call her for help to get out of the school. i'm so sorry chuting for making you wait so long for me. but with zifang's help i managed to get out of the school and was super tired by then. i was in a foul mood too cause i had to walk so much. goodness, i'm glad i'm not in HC if not i will lose weight within the first month.

anyway i stayed up really late till 2 plus last night although i was dead beat. i was talking to ms tan and jim online and it's funny how they like many others find that i lack confidence. hiaz.

ok, i shall go appease my mum by attempting to clear my wardrobe and my study table. i'm taking so long to get the job done and most of the time i end up looking at pictures or reading letters instead.

2008-01-10T21:38:00.000+08:00

a snapshot of time is just a memory of mine

i'm still suffering from 'exhuastion' from yesterday's quest. actually it wasn't THAT bad, but i guess it's because i've become such a great lump of fat ever since crescent stopped mass run for sec 4s before the prelims, which is about 5mths ago. i'm missing mass run so much cause it makes me feel like i'm exercising, although the distance is less than 1.6km. hiaz.

but nj orientation has been kind and pretty fun this week. i must say the ogls have put in alot of effort to plan each and every detail. plus they took great care of us. three cheers for them! (=

hmms...nothing much to update about since i dont wish to go into details about my day. i shall go check out my timetable tomorrow but i dont have a very good feeling about it. i took a quick glimpse at it today and if i didn't misread anything, i only have 1 lesson to attend on monday from 8am-8.50am and i'm free for the rest of the day till 1. that sucks because that's alot of time wasted. )= maybe i should go sit in for chem lectures and see if i want to take it after jae. for all i know i might be switching over to science stream if i want to take h2 chem. but i guess that's q a low possibility. never mind, i shall fret about all these when the time comes for it.

there's a part of me which cant wait for the weekends because it means i'm going to meet familiar faces which i really miss a whole lot although it's just about 2 weeks apart. plus i'm really excited to hit the shops again to continue my hunt for new year clothes. i hope i can buy somemore nice stuff although i highly doubt so. and the idea of just sitting down over a cuppa drink or ice cream and filling each other up about our lives is something i always look forward too.

i'm pretty much into quirky cafes with perfect ambience etc, i think it's cool. makes you forget about life for awhile as you relax and enjoy the peace and calm all around. i wish i had a car so that i could go to exciting and new places. i wish there was someone who share my passion/joy in sourcing out new places and being willing to try them out. someone who knows where to go and to just keep quiet instead of rattling non-stop at the appropriate times. ~~maybe sometimes it's good to be alone, just maybe.~~ there's alot of things i wish to do, but maybe now isn't the time yet. ok, i'm digressing again.

i dont know if i'm the one who change, or if you are the one. i dont know how to bring this across but i miss the old you. the less ego one, the one with a stand instead of being swayed by the world. i pretend i dont see it or hear it. but sometimes it just hit be hard that people can be so superficial at times. i find it hard to trust someone like this because i dont know when you'll turn around and bitch about me. it scares me to see how you lie so easily without any hesitation. i worry if you do the same to me and if you ever lied to me while i just believe every single thing you told me. there were times when i just feel so tired talking to you because i know what i say have little or no effect on you at all. you just pretend to listen and the next minute you go back to your 'old ways'. it seems like you tell me your so-called problems just so that you can bask in that attention and concern i give you. you just keep telling me the same few things everytime we talk and i end up repeating my advices time and time again. i dont know how to put these down in words. but i've tried to hint about how i feel before, but you're too caught up with your own little things you never really bothered. of course there were times when you were really nice to me, for that i'm really thankful and glad. it's also such memories which keeps me holding on to this friendship. sometimes i just feel like trying in the towel and not give a damn anymore. it's easy if i want to because we're all in different schools now and it's easy to just not stay in contact anymore. no matter how much i hesitate to admit this, i cant help but realise that maybe you mean so much more to me. that's why i'm saying this here because i know telling you face-to-face would be useless. i hope you would start to think about the way you've been treating me and everyone else. most importantly are you being fair to yourself? are you losing bits of the real you in an attempt to be 'cool' or whatever? i think that's the last thing i would want to see happen. i know you're nice by nature, so why change for the worst? do something before it's too late.

2008-01-09T22:57:00.000+08:00

for everything i just couldn't do

dead tired from The Quest today. we had to walk in the rain where my brand new pretty paperchase organiser from borders got wet. i'm so sad )= i hope the pages dont crumple up too much and that the ink would stop staining the pages. it's less than a month old.

orientation has been pretty good so far and i hit the sack soon after 10 each day. which means to say i've more or less rectify my screwed up body clock ever since o's ended. but then again, i cant wait for the weekends to come cause it means meeting up with friends!

i dont know to look forward to lessons next week, or to dread it.

anyway, hold on my dear friends. because things get better.

i'm sorry for not being able to be physically there to hug you and help in any way i can. when you started crying on the phone, i felt so helpless. i wanted so much to give you a great big bear hug and tell you everything's alright ~~even if it isn't~~. i miss you a whole lot and would do anything to make things better for you. i miss seeing your face, hearing your voice, knowing that you're there beside me. i just want you to know that i'll always be ready to cross the road to look for you even if it means missing part of my orientation. because you just mean so much and it hurts to see you upset. i know it's not easy, i've been through just 3 days of it and i wanted to give up so badly. but hold on, and things would get better. i'm missing you a whole lot and keep holding on to that small bit of faith.

rmb that i'll always be there to piggy-back you when the going gets tough!
ps: we need to take more pics together. this was like way back in sec 2 already!

2008-01-08T22:07:00.000+08:00

just so you would know, how much you mean to me
when i was down and under, all i needed was for you to listen to me and tell me you understand what i'm going through
when i was high and happy, i wanted to share my immense happiness with you because you are the reason that kept me hanging on
when i was feeling stressed and upset, you ranted with me
when i was feeling alone, you msg-ed me and did all you could to make me feel better even if we were worlds apart physically
when i was uncertain, you told me to go for my heart's desire
when i forgot to spare a thought for you, you merely suffered in silence and never blamed me
when i felt insecure and had a low self-esteem, you made me feel like i was a better person that i actually am
you accepted me for who i was and made me into a better person. Thank you and i hope to be the same kind of friend you've been to me, or even better.

note: 'you' here stands for more than one person. if you think i'm talking about you, i'm glad that you've been an impactful friend to me. (=

2008-01-07T22:51:00.000+08:00

ok. pictures as promised.

let's start with bento day on 26 dec 2007 where i went all the way down to school just to pass ms zhao, ms tan and pearlyn their riceboxes. it didn't turn out as good as the first one...but oh wells. and we forgot to take picture of the pretty strawberry cheesecake )=

q a failed attempt at making an elmo for pearlyn.

erbx...ok. actually the more i look at the pics, the more disgusting and unappealing i find them to be. the teacher's day batch was so much nicer-looking. i dont know about the tast tho. hahas.

ok, just one picture from waiteng's party because felissa has most of the pics.

moving on to 2008, here's a whole photo dump of the time when i was camwhoring with yuning, the cute girl i was talking about in the prev post. pictures dont do justice to her cause her eyes are even nicer!

random picture of pearlyn's and my toes. guess which one is mine? (hint: i have TINY toenails)

my hands plus the flowers. (we were really really bored riding practically around the whole island)

in the car

dont you agree with me that she's just so adorable? (= heartmelts

and the longest tongue award goes to....yuning!

i was so sad to clean off the nail polish for school. wasted 10bucks plus just for 2 days. )=

the other cute one too!

dont you think the 2 girls look like sisters? but they're only cousins! their eyes are to die for!

pearlyn with the adorable kids. the little boy is v cute too. (sorry for the lack of vocabs)

the jiemeis for the day. but missing hongmin

i feel so bad for blacking the face. but better than getting scolded. hahs. but trust me, the bride was pretty that day. (=

we forgot to take with the bride and groom tgt! )=

2008-01-07T17:35:00.000+08:00

For reasons we cant quite tell

yay! orientation has been a blast today. so much better than the last 3 days. i'm glad i didn't give up hope throughtout the weekends. ((= my new class seems a nice bunch and i'm glad to have back the same ogls cause val, delle and ly (sorry i dont know how to spell) has been v encouraging. they belong to the arts stream too. (= they're really great people and i'm kind of looking forward to getting dirty and wet tomorrow because that means the og can bond so much more. plusplusplus, i'm more assured now that it doesn't matter if i'm the only one taking my combi because almost everyone in 08A02 has different combinations. i just hope that my subject partners are nice. and even better if i have common lessons with chuting and zifang oh! and did i mention that there's only 3 guys in the og? i guess it's q normal huh, since it's an arts stream.

anyway the activities today are generally better than the past 3 days. we had mass dance where i partnered one of the twins from ip. i think her name is jocelyn. i still cant q remember the last set of 8 but i shall stare at the video later and commit it to memory. i guess i'm just not too talented in music and dance. it would really be a miracle if i make it into western dance. decided to go for the auditions tomorrow although i'm still q hopeless in coordination, memory work, flexibility etc etc. just to try it so at least i wouldn't regret like how i did for pri school and secondary. (although joining ine has been a great experience and i never regretted joining it. i guess another door opens when one closes in your face. in fact ine has provided me with so many opportunities i dont even know where to begin). speaking of which, i'm really missing my beloved ine. esp comm 0607. we need a bbq/gathering or something soon! and hopefully ms tan allows us to go back to help train the juniors or something. i dont mind even if it means no cip hours or anything. ok...i'm digressing abit too far. in any case, i made a couple of new friends today. still struggling to remember their faces to their names respectively. but hopefully i'll get them correct soon. we had gang bonding session too and it was q fun learning the cheers.

all in all orientation has been getting better with each passing day and i think the best has yet to come! i'm not sure if i'm allowed to roll in mud tmr though. (if there is) the doctor said that it might aggravate my eczema. but it would be so mean to sit out if there's a station which requires the og to do so. gahhh.

2008-01-06T16:13:00.000+08:00

because you guys make things better

before i start off,
A BIG THANK YOU TO ALL FOR YOUR ENCOURAGEMENTS etc.
i might not show it too well, but i'm really glad for your concern. i might not be close to you or anything, but it really warms my heart to see that you guys seem to care. i know i can be such a disappointment at times. especially when i take such a long time to get back on my feet and be happy. i know it can get frustrating. but in any case, really, thank you for bothering to drop by this blog to find out how i'm doing and of course for msging/ leaving a tag/calling etc. it's times like these when i really count my blessings and find out that there are people who are silently supporting me although we might not have spoken for a really long time.

ok. so a slightly happier post today as promised.

saturday
set my phone to ring at 5.30am but only to climb up of bed at 6am to find that i was super super late. quickly washed up and got ready without making too much noise so that the entire household could sleep in. tried on the white dress i bought from missypixie for the first time only to find that it was q sheer and was abit too loose at the back. but it's too late to do anything so i just had to make the best out of it. spent the rest of the day tugging at the bands at the back to make sure i wasn't revealing unnecessary flesh (hahas!) tried my best to go out of the house within the next half hour but failed v miserably. got my maid to french braid my hair while i wrestled with my contacts at the same time. only managed to leave the house 50mins later when i was expected to arrive in lavender at 6.30. \= i even abandoned the idea of light foundations, blusher, eyeshadow and mascara because i was so late. i was looking so bad because i only had about 5 hrs of sleep and hence the even worst eyebags. rushed down the hill in my heels within record time and got into the first cab i saw. lucky the traffic was smooth and i managed to arrive at about 7.05am. and pearlyn was no help at all because she told me that the groom has already arrived while i was on my way. i was so freaked out. caught a glimpse of the groom and his best men as i rushed out of the cab and into the lift. luckily they didn't see me. got into the house pretty quickly and spent pretty much the rest of the time slacking around while the bride got ready.

'guarding the door' wasn't as fun as i thought because the kids did most of the job while the 4 sisters just waited for the red packets to come through. the sisters were supposed to receive the money but somehow the kids got it in the end. we were super nice and allowed the guys to enter without any forfeit! so easy on them. we actually planned for them to dorn a bikini top and do a proper hokkien cheer if they refuse to accept our terms for the 'entry red packet'. but we didn't in the end. before we know it, the metal gates were opened and the guys got through. and so we took our places in front of the bride's door so that we can get some more red packets for ourselves. it sure wasnt an easy feat to get money out of the guys. so in the end we only got about 50dollars each instead of the agreed term of- 3 digits, no decimal place, sing dollars. hiaz. but in any case. it was an experience. so friends, ask me to be your 'sister' next time. hehe.

anyway, the rest of the day was pretty boring. basically just followed the bride and groom everywhere. from lavender to ang mo kio (groom's family place) to mandai area (to take pictures), to yew tee (their house) and back to lavender again. we took some pictures in mandai area but i'm not really looking forward to seeing them cause i think i'll be looking really bad and shagged.

spent q abit of time back in lavender playing for the bride's nieces who are so super pretty. oh gosh. i'm so in love with their huge huge adorable eyes. plus the younger niece wasn't shy at all and she kept pestering pearlyn and i to play with her. we ended up camwhoring alot. shall post the pics up once i get them from pearlyn. oh man, their eyes are to die for. i want too! hehe. i bet they'll both grow up to be super super pretty.

left about 4.30pm because we were waiting for the rain to stop. but it never did.

anyway i think this post is boring. shall be editing it with pictures once i get them from pearlyn/bride/groom.

by the way i'm sorry for the lack of names because the bride's and groom's identities are supposed to be kept secret.

sunday
first day in youth. pretty ok i guess. but there's still alot to get use to, esp sermons in the main hall. i cant help but always fall asleep when i'm there. hiaz. bad habit.

i was having a pretty bad headache (like the past few days) so i was q stone during sunday school and orientation. but i'm glad i still went for abit of orientation although i was tempted to go home and sleep. left just before games with dad.

i feel like going to make new specs cause mine has been more than a year old and the orange paint is starting to chip off. plus get new sports shoes for school. shall see if parents are up to it tonight.

2008-01-05T20:56:00.000+08:00

it takes alot of courage

although pearlyn and i were super late for campfire,
although there weren't alot of teachers to visit,
although i was still feeling emo and upset about school,
although i didn't really join in for campfire
although i didn't have the chance to really talk to ms ho
although i really really miss enterprise
i'm really glad i went back to crescent!

it just feels so good to be back.
seeing the familiar faces (of some), the school flag, parade square, canteen etc etc. it's enough to make me cry. i was tearing when i went off alone for awhile to get my bags and food which we brought for dinner. oh man. i really miss my past life so much. the time when i knew exactly what i should do, where i should go, how i should do things. it's hard to start at zero all over again.

i've been spending pretty much of tonight (and actually the past few nights) thinking about my life ahead. and the more i start to ponder, the more lost and alone i feel. it's like every single decision i make right now will (in)directly affect my future. and so i end up trying to sleep because that's the only time when i'm not consciously thinking about stuff.

in the past, i was so sure that njc would be the place for me. i worked so hard to get the grades so as to make the cut for the school. but after 3 days i'm feeling so lost that i start to wonder if it was the right choice right from the start. i know 3 days isn't exactly good enough to make a fair and good judgement. but right from the day i received the subject combi notification in the holidays, it just wasn't right. i used to convince myself that maybe i was just too uptight about starting out in a new environment. maybe i still am, but... i really dont know anymore.dont get me wrong, i'm not saying nj is not a good school. all i'm trying to bring across is that i'm having a really hard time adapting and i believe everyone has a 'special' school which would work out for them. i'm just wondering if nj is the one which will work out for me.

the more i think about it,
the more people tell me about it,
the more i question myself about it,
i start to feel as if i've lost focus. not sure of where i'm going and what i'm working for. there's so many things to consider. so much has happened that i dont even know if i should continue for my subject combi anymore. the things i used to be so certain about seems to blur before me as i struggle to work things out.

i dont know if:
- nj is the place for me
- going into the arts stream is the right choice
- taking history and geog is the right choice
- changing to another jc would be a better choice
- my o level results would tell me where to go
- i should even try china studies in english
- i should switch to the science stream
- next week would be better
- i'm the only one in the entire college with my odd combi
- my new class/og would be nice and fun
- which cca should i join? nothing seems to interest me anymore. even if it did, i lack the courage to even try and commit

it's hard to pen down what i'm feeling. cause i dont know them myself. i'm just trying to keep my mind open for orientation next week. i'm prepared to be without any crescentians, i'm prepared to play hard in my og. i'm just prepared to do anything to make my life better. but sometimes i dont know why i'm doing all these because at the end of the day, maybe i'm just losing bits of myself trying to fit in.

i'm really sorry for the depressing posts lately. i didn't expect to feel so sad for the week. in fact i was kinda looking forward to jc life. i'm not giving up hope yet, because i still believe next week would be better. i hope i'm not wrong. with god's grace, i know i can somehow make it through.

in fact ytd was the best day of the past 3 days already. i stuck with my og for the entire day without looking for chuting and zifang (except during cca orientation. but i walked around with my og first) i had fun during mass dance. lunch was pretty alright too because there wasn't much of awkward silence, despite the fact that more than half the og disappeared (as usual).

i wanted to blog about the chinese wedding which i attended today as one of the 'sisters'. but currently i'm too drained to do a proper recap. so i shall just leave things here for now. i'll try to post something more interesting/happy soon.

2008-01-03T16:39:00.000+08:00

beauty in the breakdown

ok. day 2 was much better. and i'm very comforted by the fact that there's people like lynette, usarin, yin wai, chuting, zifang etc asking if i was fine and comfortable in nj. people i least expected like lynette and usarin caught me by surprise. but i'm sure glad even if it's just a quick hello. shows how reliant i am on friends huh?

today was still pretty much filled with talks. but i still kept going back to look for chuting and zifang during break and lunch. i'm sorry if i'm irritating you guys ok? just tell me if you would prefer to stick with your og. then maybe i shall go look for yinwai instead. anyway just one more day to survive before the real fun of orientation sets in. i wasn't so disorientated today. although i was sorely tempted to crash chuting's og for mass dance, i bravely went back to my own. and it didn't prove to be a wrong decision because i still enjoyed myself nonetheless. plus i didn't get to partner a guy so double yay! but i feel q bad cuz when kaiting pulled me to join a guy and there were more guys than girls, i paired with this rv girl. then her good friend ask if i want to exchange place with her. then i was like no. feel q bad cuz they're good friends afterall. but i think they didn't take offense because we started to laugh at almost every single thing and it was overall a pretty fun experience dancing the 'guy' part. hahs.

anyway i'm just trying to keep my spirits up and just hang in there. somehow at the back of my mind i'm hoping and praying very hard that next week would get better with the games and bonding sessions. and i'm more prepared to go on my own now. at least i'm mentally prepared not to have any crescentians with me since i'm the only arts person (as for as i know) hiaz, the cold hard truth. )=

but yea, dont worry too much my friends. yuexi is still hanging on fine. not getting worst but rather, feeling just a tad bit better. it's all about learning to adapt.

anw i really miss edwyna and pearlyn right now because their orientation ends so super duper late we've got hardly any time to catch up via phone. i wonder how they're doing over at hc and sa respectively. but congrats pearlyn on getting into ki! i think i wouldn't have make the mark if i went for the test.

this week is slack week for me. but tomorrow i should be going to do mani and pedi (if pearlyn decides to pon her campfire) with pearlyn and then head over to crescent. i'm so excited and happy about the prospect of going back to crescent even though it wont be as fun as the prev 4 yrs since we dont get attached to any class and make the new little sec one kids high. but i'm looking forward to seeing familiar faces and being in a school i'll gladly call a home. i dont think i'll get to see much of the teachers. but hack! i need to see crescent. i cant seem to aptly describe the kind of longing i feel towards the school, even if it's empty with no students.

2008-01-02T21:38:00.000+08:00

it's just so hard to start all over again

first day in nj is pretty bad.

1. i have zero crescentians in my og and no one really tries to make friends with each other. besides my og is flooded with rv ppl. i only made 1 new friend. pathetic

2. i always try to run back to zifang and chuting for the simple reason that i need friends to survive. (seeing a yellow and blue uniform amidst the white is enough to make me sit up straighter in my seat and put a smile to my face even if i dont really know that crescentian)

3. the first week is filled with talks. which means it's boring and there's no chance to make new friends

4. nj doesn't offer the subject combi i want. but i'm just hoping for the best.

5. i chicken out of china studies in chinese last minute after the intro class

6. i'm suffering from school blues )= it gives me a headache whenever i think about it. and i really mean the physical aspect of headache

7. all i can do i keep praying that things will get better

ok, i've resorted to listing things down like that because it really gets too tiring plus emotional if i try to add in my feelings. i almost cried so many times today. but i stopped myself because i'll look really silly and like a baby if i did. and while i was on the phone with my mother during lunch break to tell her about my decision to change my combi, my voice was cracking and i almost cried. but i quickly hung up anyway cause it was time for china studies intro class.

i reach home pretty early today and just slept the afternoon away because my thoughts will start to wonder if i stay up. i've never felt so horrible in my life before...))))=

at least school starts late tmr which means lesser time spent with people i dont know. and i should be able to go home with chuting for the next few days of orientation. you dont know how good it feels to see familiar faces. i think i'm sounding like an anti-social brat. but it's really so hard. there's so many moments when i really question my choice. if nj is really the place for me. so many combi restrictions etc. i'm sorry if i offend any njc-ians here but i'm typing my true blue feelings for my dear friends in crescent who wants to know how i'm coping. i dont think i'm up to phone calls because i'll just cry. and i dont want to worry my parents (just not yet)

i'm hoping that the next few days get better. i'll keep holding on, because i know that it's important for me to make new friends and a new school. (if not i would be ponning school, really)

Dear Father in heaven,
please give me the courage to forge new friendships in this new college. Please give me the obedience to accept what comes my way. i may not be happy right now, but i know at the very least i have You by my side watching over me. Please, give me the peace and calm to settle down soon.
In Jesus name i pray,
Amen

2008-01-01T11:59:00.000+08:00

ushering in the year twenty-oh-eight

on the last few minutes of new year eve:
- i spent the night counting down with 5 people on msn

on the first second of new year:
- i receive shocking declaration which i do not wish to dwell on
- i spoke to people i wont be seeing for the next few days and i realise how much (once again) i'm going to miss crescent and all the times i shared with them

on new year's day:
- i'm stuck at home attempting to study for china studies selection test
- i'm attempting to clear my room once and for all
- i'm still worried for school but trying to put down the baggage
- i'm not going for class lunch )=

2007-12-30T20:36:00.000+08:00

the only constant thing in life is change

as the hours ticked by and the days fly away, i start to get more worried, anxious, stress, scared etc for school. i'm really afraid. i dont know why i'm feeling this way. bahhh, and i was talking to zifang about subject combi earlier and i've more or less decided that i'm not going to take chem at all. but i still got to discuss with the parentals. but i guess they'll probably agree with what i'm suggesting like what they always do. and i'm not too keen on going for the test for china studies. why must have test?! shitty. i know nothing about china. boohoo.

i hate changes. i really do. i'm a person who likes to stick to the norm and be in an environment i'm familiar with. imagine having to adapt to a whole new environment and making new friends all over again. i'm not exactly a very socialable person. i only open-up when i know you well. so you can imagine the horror i'm facing when moving on to jc. what if i get ostracized? what if i've got no friends? what if i cant make it into my first choice combi? what if i feel very stressed in nj? what if i cant stay in nj after the first month? what if... so many uncertainties. i really dont know what to expect. sometimes i wish i was a little kid all over again so that i can hide behind my mummy and let her do all the talking. it's times like this when i realise how dependent i am on my family and friends. how much i seek comfort from them and the familiarities i've taken for granted. all the worrying gets so bad i keep tossing and turning in bed for hours before i can get to sleep. ))= it seems like sec one all over again, just very much worst this time. (i wonder how i survive first day of sec one in crescent)

anyway, let's see reflections for 2007 in point form.

good things:
- # getting better
- daddy taking a long rest, got better and eventually got a new job
- working together and not alone with all the other sec 4s (esp chuting, zifang and edwyna) in order to get good grades. all the times we spent tgt studying and doing endless past year papers
- surviving prelims and eventually o's
- doing better than what i expected for prelims
- getting a1 for chi o's
- dedicated teachers who are willing to work hard like the students in order to help us
- enjoying my last few months in I&E, having a blast with my beloved comm and jnrs
- getting to present business proposal to Faber Tours
- getting to make my last speech to I&E which i spent hours on and didn't end up crying halfway
- comm outings etc
- I&E end of year camp was a blast like always (but 2006 camp beats everything hands down cuz my comm did it! hehe)
(ok there's alot i can be thankful about for enterprise. so i better stop here)
- numerous outings with * and sometimes **, so we got pretty close
- 2 sleepovers!
- finding the joy in making things for friends
- prom was pretty fun too (if you forget about the pissing parts)
- finding comfort in God
- relying in God for help and encouragement instead of my own
- 4C3 getting class of the year
- receiving colours award for enterprise
- crazy partying etc after o's
- getting into nj for PAE
- my birthday with both I&E and my best friends from both crescent and nanyang

Not so good things of 2007:
- stepping down from I&E and exco forever
- getting too caught up with studying at times and end up neglecting many other things
- being rude/insensitive to my parents when i'm studying/v stressed
- # still not entirely well
- getting easily stressed/upset after each major paper. be it prelims or o's
- all the stupid things i've done
- all the things i wanted but didn't get down to doing
- for not treasuring certain things/people
- for all the times i hurt my friends
- when i was spiritually weak and lacked the faith in God

ok...i'm kinda blank now cuz i want to block out my negative thoughts about school next yr. but all in all, 2007 was a pretty good year. very stressful and upsetting to study for one entire yr, but at least it gave me a short term purpose. i know exactly what i'm supposed to do each day i come home from school. at least i dont spend time thinking too much and being emo.

i'm chatting to kaiting online and i'm glad she can provide answers to many of my ques. at least i feel a tad bit more at ease. yea...i hope everything goes well.

actually i wanted to do a summary of 2007 in pictures, but i'm lazy to upload each picture one by one. hehe

2007-12-28T21:28:00.000+08:00

all the things you promised

just a quickie because it's my younger bro's turn to use the comp. but whoever is reading this, pls pls pray for both zifang and i to be well soon. zifang is down with somewhat flu (actl i dont know what exactly because i haven't called her) while i'm GOING to fall sick soon. you know sometimes u can feel it in your bones when you're gonna fall sick. like when u start to have sudden pangs of headache and break out in cold sweat. yea, that was what i felt this evening soon after returning from chuting's hse. i was still planning to go to church after picking my bible from home. but while walking up the hill i just felt so uncomfortable. i even had to stop a few times to catch my breath while the world spins around me. scary eh? i think there's really something wrong with my health. better nurse it well soon. and mum is convinced that the main cause is because i'm not eating enough. but that's not true. firstly because i dont starve myself (in fact i even gorge myself with fattening nonsense like icecream, pasta, pizza, loads of carbo like rice etc when i'm out for lunch or dinner with friends) secondly because i do not intend to become anorexic. thirdly because i've broke my diet plans since last week and i dont really intend to keep to it anymore. i just want my weight to maintain the way it is. i wont cut anymore intentionally because i know it doesn't do any good to my health. yea, so i'm convinced that my weight isn't the problem here. but in any case, i'm sad that i couldn't make it for the teens sharing today. i really wanted to hear what everyone had to say. boohoo. i just hope i'm well enough to play games tomorrow. if not i'll just go and watch them or sth.

whatever the reason, i really pray ferverently that i'll be better tomorrow because it's packed all the way till the night!

church in the morning till 11, briefing at lavender at 2 till about 4, waiteng's party at 5.30 till late. and i haven't decided if i'm wearing sk's dress. i like it alot cause it's really pretty. but i dont want to end up overdressing. gahhh. and i need to fit in some time to pack my room. by hook or by crook. sighsigh. the year is coming to an end. i wanted to list down some reflections and resolutions. but then my younger bro is bugging me for the internet. my 15mins is up.

2007-12-27T22:17:00.000+08:00

only you know the right things to say when i'm upset

yes, i'm freaking upset i want to punch the table and slap #'s face. i spent the whole day making this awesome and pretty strawberry cheesecake especially for edwyna, chuting, pearlyn, ms tan and ms zhao only to find that # binged on 2 out of 5 of them. i'm so angry and pissed off and all sorts of rubbish. those 5 were the special ones which i painstakingly did with extra love and care. i even made the effort to cut the strawberries into heart shapes! then he had to eat the special ones instead of the one i made for the family. argh! i made a whole hug tray for the family which taste exactly the same, just doesn't look as nice and he had to touch the ones i wanted to give away. it's true he didn't know that i was going to give my friends, but i'm still v hurt. all the pent-up anger and frustration just comes rushing back. i really wonder how long more we've all got to put up with him. sure, he's better than the last time, but that doesn't make the whole ordeal any easier on the family. being sick is not the excuse alright, break out of it. grr...

ok. i shan't continue on this issue. what's done is done. i cant expect him to regurgitate everything because that's just plain disgusting. plus it's not like the first time he did such a thing and i dont think it's gonna be the last either.

anyway i aim to turn in by 11 tonight since i have to wake up super early to make bento sets again. i hope it's gonna be as successful as the last. most importantly i better be able to wake up. seems so long ago since i woke up early. even earlier than the time i wake for school. \=

2007-12-27T12:09:00.000+08:00

maybe it's just not the right time

finally the only stay home day of the week. but there's loads to do i dont think i'll be able to finish packing my room. (as usual) after today, it's gonna be a busy weekend ahead. but i'm keeping my fingers crossed that everything would be fun. it's like less than a week from the official start of school, so i've got to make use of every single second i've got.

let's look at my schedule from friday onwards
friday: go to school, go ____ hse, go to church (it simply spells BUSY)
saturday: go to church, dress up plus attend waiteng's party
sunday: church, family lunch, briefing all the way at lavender(tentative)

and so i aim to finish packing my room by saturday. but looks like it's impossible! booohoo. and i've yet to sit down and think of what to say for teens sharing. i'm sorely tempted to repeat about my whole o level experience. i mean that's what happened for practically the entire 2007 year of my life. everything revolved around the o's. and sometimes i secretly wish that the year could repeat itself all over again because o's gave me a short-tem purpose. something i was willing to work hard for. although the stress was really crazy, at least it kept me alive. i know it all sounds insane, but sometimes human needs some pushing before we can get things done.

oh wells. i've got exciting personal plans for the next 24 hrs and i foresee myself with massive eyebags on friday. gosh. but anyway i hope the things i'm doing will be successful if not i'll be terribly upset. hahas. and in any case, i find joy in making things for my beloved friends, so i guess that's what keeps me going. just like when i only survived on about 2hrs of sleep in order to rush secret mission 1 and 2. i dont know why, but i find it much more meaningful to make things for people instead of just splurging to get an expensive gift. not that diy stuff is any cheaper than buying something because most of the time i go way over budget, but seeing something with a personal touch means so much more than something expensive. that's why i always try to make something when i can. but the sad thing is i'm lacking in the artistic department so what i produce may not be very nice. ))=

anyway ytd was a crazy shopping experience my mummy dearest. i finally bugged her enough to go out with me. so we walked around wisma and taka. even mummy agreed with me that the sales are disappointing because the only sell the old stocks which aren't even nice at all! boohoo. but i managed to get a togo top from future state while mum got this top/dress which i might just kope too. hahas. haven't decided but i may just leave it for cny cause i forsee myself with nothing to buy when the time comes. but on my wanted list i must add in a tight white/silver top which i'll use for layering for the togo top. it's so fitting i can only wear it on those 'look-good' days with flat tummy. i think i put on weight again! this is so devastating! anyhows, last stop was robinsons where we spent about 500bucks! got some cosmetics, perfume and a pillow. mummy intended to buy only one new bottle of perfume but we ended up with 3 from calvin klein. there was this promotion going on where you'll recieve this super cool perfume in those splitz (sp?!) bottle with spending above 200. so we spent more than that and got the free perfume. we didn't really like the scent but loved the bottle. crazy i know. but it's so pretty! ok...enough of bimbotic gushing.

i'm off to visit cold storage.
goodbye!

2007-12-25T23:00:00.000+08:00

so what if i hang up my stockings?

great sleepover i had at liting's. finally endless time with suikim and liting. i'm so happy we managed to meet up so much this holidays. really so much more compared to the past 4 years since we split up. really, the friendship we 3 share gives me the courage and faith to believe that friendships do last if people are frank and sincere enough to take time off for each other. (= and it's great to see liting's parents after so long. pretty much the same i must say.

ok...just some girly ramblings ahead, so please ignore. we spent the night looking at pretty girls and exclaiming about thin ones. ah! i'll never ever reach my ideal height and weight. ))= and my best friends are pretty, dont playplay. hehe. it was q fun looking at random pictures and going "oh my gosh, that girl is so pretty/thin/tall etcetc" very superficial and bimbotic, i know. but it's a fact and we cant hide our amazement. and also the different kind of dressing styles and how i kinda got to a general conclusion about how SOME pretty girls/guys 'waste' their life away by smoking and clubbing. i guess these 2 are the big no-no for me. you may think i'm being too conservative here. but i dont think so, and i would pretty much like to stick to my own values. of course i dont mind going to a quiet lounge like Harry's or something for a drink of mocktail, but i definitely dont fancy the idea of disco music kinda clubbing. just my two-cents on that.

and then we talked till abt 2.30 before turning in. that's what i like about sleepovers. all the heart to heart talks in the middle of the night. when we talk from guys to school to life to the past memories shared together and basically everything. it's during these times when you really get to know what your friends is thinking and somewhat get a hint of their values. it's really not always you get to do things like these, so i treausre them alot.

i dont really feel like going into details about my day so i guess i'll end it here.

i've been shopping so much lately but nothing catches my eyes (as usual) and everything seems so boring nowadays. stepping into one shopping centre in orchard road kind of equates to stepping into most of the malls there.

i've been wanting to put up a 'wants' list but decided not to since it's the christmas season and i dont want people to start thinking that i'm asking for presents. by the way, i dont celebrate christmas and dont go around wishing people 'merry christmas' so please dont get offended if i dont reply your sms. i'll only wish you back if i'm talking face-to-face with you because that's basic courtesy. although i dont celebrate christmas, i do take this opportunity to reflect and thank God for the amazing things He has done and be thankful for the things He has done for me. please dont get it all wrong that i'm so anti-christmas or whatever. but personally since it's not the ACTUAL day Jesus Christ died, neither did He ask us to celebrate this day, i really dont see the point in christmas. maybe it's just a gimmick for malls to attract throngs of shoppers so that the cashiers would ring non-stop with money rolling in every second. or maybe it's just the way the world works nowadays where people try to find 'excuses' to celebrate and have fun. whatever the reason, maybe it's good to take this time to at least thank God for all the amazing wonders He did for us. i'm not saying that we have to wait till christmas to give thanks, all i'm saying is that for christians who are spiritually weakened by their busy lives, christmas may serve as a good reminder for them to just slow down abit and reflect. at least that's the way i choose to view christmas instead of spending money buying presents or sending out christmas cards. yup. but a big thank you to those who bothered to send cards and i'm touched my your effort. it's q exciting to find a mail for me, you know?

alright, moving on. here are some stuff i'm looking for. so do tell me if you spot any nice/cheap ones whilst you shop for christmas the past few days.
1) Thick bangles
2) Long, classy necklace
3) Necklace with a cross/ballerina pendent (i'm pretty open about the designs. like with or without diamonds etc)
4) Tote bag or sth for school
5) Summer dresses
6) Heels
7) Wallet
8) Clothes (like any kind from tops to bottoms to dresses etc)

And have a blessed christmas!(=

2007-12-23T23:27:00.000+08:00

so, tell me how should i go from here?

there's alot happening right now i dont know where to start? i'm not in the mood to recap what happened since friday, and i dont think anyone really wants to know anyway.

so chuting is finally back! i really miss that girl so much, totally gone and uncontactable for 3 weeks. (actually i'm not too sure about the uncontactable part cause i didn't dare to waste anymore money on overseas msg if not my parents will come after me with a chopper. haha) but yea, basically no talk+no see for the last 3 weeks as compared to seeing her 6 times a week during school term. so you can imagine. cant wait to meet up with you soon.

anyway to those who have been asking me out for last minute meeting before school term starts, i'm really sorry for being anti-social and not promising to do so. firstly cause i'm packed (in the sense that i already have too much i've planned to have) and also because i really need time off to pack my room and most importantly gather my thoughts and prepare myself for the new school year. 2008 will be really different. although i'll still be donning the same ole yellow and green/blue crescent uniform, i'll be going to a brand new school with hardly any familiar faces. yes, i do have chuting and zifang whom i'm really glad for. but we're most probably going to end up in different og and stuff. so not like we will be able to hang around each other. and i'm really v stressed out about the school, subject combi and ppl. it feels like the kinda stress i had when this yr started. i was practically trembling. trust me, i think it's q crazy but that's what happens to me. all i can do is seek comfort in God's words. hiaz. i hate changes for the hundredth time i'm saying it. and then there's subject combi to fret about. i innocently thought that the school would give us intro class or sth during the first 3 weeks. but i'm wrong. because i've got to choose my subjects by 3rd jan, which is actually before the start of the term. i really dont know what to choose. passion tells me geog, history,econs and maths. but everyone is telling me that taking geog and history together is killer. but i really like geog and hist equally and it's gonna be tough to choose between one. and then the logical one which opens my options for uni is chem, maths, geog and econs. but i'm really really reluctant to touch science. i'm scared of it (although i generally score better for science than humans) there's just this fear. hiaz. i dont know. opinions pls?

this tangled up emotions. it's not the time to run away anymore

2007-12-21T22:58:00.000+08:00

i dont need a reason

today was 6h outing day. only joined the group for lunch but i must say it was way better than the last few gatherings because there were more girls this time round (sorry i come from a girl's school so...) and we finally opened up more and talked to each other. it was great having mrs chong around. to think it has been almost 3 yrs since the last time we saw her. but she hasn't changed much and i'm glad she said that i didn't change too. hehe. yups. so we spent a really long time just talking and catching up. and the guys going to HC and RJ freaks me out. now i really see the difference in students from top-notch sec schools and those from average ones like myself. it can be both good and bad, i guess. good in the sense that they have the confidence to climb greater heights. but the down side is i find them really scary and as a student from an average school, i'll really be afraid to have them as classmates. sometimes i really wish i have the kind of confidence they have in themselves. but i guess i dont have it and i'll just remain the way i am. somehow i'm really afraid to go to nj now. like i'll be meeting pro people like those in my pri school and i really dont like to be the bottom like how i was in pri school. it's tough. and really really discouraging. (at least for me) there are times when i really doubt if nj is the place for me. i know i should have faith in God, and it's only this faith that i'm holding on to when i step past the gates of nj in january. i dont think anyone else will share the same kinda warped feelings i'm experiencing right now. hiaz. it's really draining to think of my life from now. in just 2 more years i'll be sitting for A levels. and i dont know where i'll go from there. will i do badly and not make it to uni? or will i remain in a singapore uni? or will i go overseas? there's so much uncertainty in the future and it really scares me. after my sixteenth birthday, i really do feel so much older. as if the gates have suddenly open and the weight of the world starts to haunt you. not that i'm even an adult yet. but if i'm suffocating now, what more in the future?

ok...sorry for digressing so far. back the 6H gathering. we had lunch and fish and co, glasshouse. then the guys wanted to go play pool. so after much persuasion from them, the girls decided to go watch them for a while. but sk and i didn't know that i was almost 4.30pm already and we had shopping plans! so we walked with the rest halfway and decided to say our goodbyes before rushing off. i'm so sorry for going back on our words halfway!

in any case we went to town and walked around trying to find a white dress but to no avail. and we decided to go for mani and pedi! it's my first time. dont laugh! anyway we wanted to use this student promo for express mani+pedi at just 20 bucks! but it was past 6 so we didn't satisfy the terms and conditions. but in any case we made an appointment at another shop cuz the shop with promo had such bad service! they didn't even bother to answer our questions properly. grr...dislike such people who look down on students. not like we dont have the money to pay. and what's more alot of revenue can be earned from just students alone ok! then while waiting for the appointment time, we went to walk around tangs and taka in search of a 7 bucks gift exchange present. but there wasn't anything suitable for guys! or at least unisex. argh...i really have no clue what guys want. so someone pls enlighten me?? it's realyl urgent cause i need it for gift exchange on 24th at liting's house. and orchard was crawling with throngs of people which i didn't really like. so we were kinda late for our appointment but we still had to wait. i love my nail colour and nail art now although it was over my budget! but never mind, it was a good experience. i hope it lasts till the day before school reopens. i was actually considering christmas colours but decided to go for dark brown instead since i've been wanting that colour since prom. it's so pretty! just that my nails are too short and it doesn't look that nice. and suikim's pedi is nice too! hoho. i shall go for a proper one to get my cuticles cut soon. maybe before * wedding so i can have nice nails! but it's so wasted to just get my nails painted for the weekend. why must she have it on the first week of school?? boohoo. anw thanks suikim for accompanying me for mani and i hope you like your pedi! and sorry if you mum was pissed. \=

anw i cant wait to meet up with suikim and liting on monday, and then eddy, zifang and chuting on some other day. last week alr! i need to rest but also catch up with them before the horrors of jc. boohoo. i dont know if i should stay home more or go out more. but i've been going out alot lately and i really need to stay home for some personal time. and not to forget clear up my desk for new stuff. i really cant bear to part with my textbooks and notes, not after going through and entire grueling and stressful yr with them. they've been my support and source of knowledge and in just one month they have lost their value. hiaz. hahas. somehow o's gave me a purpose. now that it's over, i dont know how to settle down for jc anymore. and then the wave of apprehension starts to consume me....

2007-12-20T17:45:00.000+08:00

when you start to think all over again if everything/anything was worthwhile

sorry for the lack of post lately because my life has been pretty hectic, fun, meaningful etc all at the same time. well, i'll get to that later in the post. but in the meantime, i wont be updating so often because the wireless modem has died on us at home and we're all surviving on a LAN internet right now. which means that my dad, mum, 2 brothers and i have to take it in turns to use the net since only one computer at a time can be connected. hiaz. so troublesome. i've been dying from internet withdrawal symptoms since yesterday after youth camp. i was just holing up and trying to read harry potter so as to keep my mind off things.

alright, to keep a long long story short... i went to the zoo plus night safari with my darlings on friday. it was pretty tiring but a good change from the usual parental company eh. hahas. ooh! and we attempted to tan at the condo before leaving but the sun went to hide when we finally got our ass down after minor crying session from p. hahas. i know you're super touched by what i did so pls put up pictures in your blog/facebook/friendster etc so that ppl would know you have such a sweet friend like me! (hoho, kidding!) but yea, i'm glad both of you like it although i wasn't too satisfied, esp with the one i gave to *. (sorry i cant name the person due to some reasons) so anyway, i'm so in love with the pool in the condo! they have like 3 different sections which stretches even longer than an olympic size pool. complete with kid's shallow pool, jacuzzi and a deeper one. we actl wanted to go for the jacuzzi one but after camwhoring for a v long time, we had less than 15mins so we decided not to get wet but just go back upstairs. so we showered and got ready to leave for the zoo. i was still pretty dead and looking really really horrible because i had only about 2 1/2 hrs of sleep the night before so as to complete up all the stuff. look at the great lengths i would go for people i love! hehe. yes, so i was pretty much a walking zombie although i tried my best to keep my spirits up. (which wasn't that difficult with people like p and ** around) so anyway we spent the longest time in the zoo staring at animals and looking at the disgustingly huge amounts of pee and poo an animal gives out. it's pretty disgusting yet funny at the same time how at least one of us would keep exclaiming "i think that thing is shitting/peeing!" then all the rest of us would turn and laugh. then we attempted to find dinner over at night safari but everything was crazily over-priced so we settle for ice cream at ben&jerry where service was horrible. they didnt even bother to warm the brownie! argh! anyhows we walked around night safari more and the childish side of both * and ** never fails to amaze p and i. hahas. but all in all it was a fun day and we had supper along the shops behind beauty world. pretty good but i was tired so i didn't eat much. anyway it was past my usual mealtime and i wont feel hungry once i miss the time. anyway one of their friends joined us and he took us on a spin around some spooky places. reminds me of how my parents would use to drive us to random places when i was younger just to expose us to different sights in singapore. so * and ** weren't exactly right in claiming that we dont get to do such stuff with our parents. in any case, we chat till 5 plus before calling it a day and going to sleep for a couple of hours. i was seriously zoned out by then but launched into an uneasy sleep cause it was freezing cold and i was in a new environment. i'm really glad to have formed such close bonds with them and i really hope it will continue that way in the years to come. i really dont know if we'll still be able to stay in touch and be as frank to each other next time, but i'm just keeping my fingers crossed that things would turn out the way like how sk, lt and i get along. (= i guess it's such a hope which keeps me holding on. the comfort in the fact that i have such sweet people in my life.

then came youth camp at nacli from sunday till tues. technically it ends on wed afternoon but i left on tues night instead. it was really enriching like every other camp and i was glad i made the decision to go for it although i was really reluctant and to some extent afraid. i was afraid that i didn't know any youths and i'll probably feel left out. but God works in every little aspect and i'm glad to know the other youths better, even if it's just their names or sth. i must say most of them have been v welcoming and i'm happy for that. and not to forget the sermons really reminded me of many stuff which i've taken for granted. like how i've somewhat become numb to the fact that Jesus was crucified on the curse cross for sinners like us. He didn't have to do any of those, but He did so that there's hope for us. Salvation is not something abstract like the forgiveness of our past sins and the comfort that we'll move on to heaven and eternal life later. but it's also a wholesome plan relevant to the present where God gives us the strength and hope to live for the present age. The fact that our old and sinful nature was crucified together with Him and we must live a new life instead of reverting to our old ways. yup, just some stuff i've learnt. some of the sermons were really heavy and kinda discouraging because it made me realise how little i've done in my 10 yrs as a christian (i rmb pretty clearly that i did the prayer when i was six. it's pretty amazing how i can still rmb that day vividly in my mind even though i was still so young) and of course i had a pretty good talk with my dad's students on the second night cause they were my room mates. youth doesn't seem SO intimidating afterall, although i must say i'm still a little apprehensive. but i believe it'll get better.

sorry for the lack of details because i'm really lazy to go into them. heh. i shall end with a few pictures. i hope p doesn't mind. (i've picked the discreet ones..hehe)

2007-12-13T10:53:00.000+08:00

How we all wish one day we could defy gravity, reach life's highest and fullest. never having to worry about what's in store for us.

so it's njc for me. it's my first choice, so i should be happy and excited. but at the same time, i'm worried. i just pray that it's the right choice and i'll be happy in there. (=

secret mission 1 is finally complete after spending weeks on it! i aim to finish secret mission 2 by today.

ok. short post for now, i need to go to vivo to meet up with liting and suikim. have i mentioned how much i really really love both of them??? hehs. and i'm looking so bad today cause i'm lazy to dress up and both of them alr look pretty enough even without having to make an effort to dress properly.

alright, i better go now! if not they'll complain that i'm ALWAYS late

ps: cheer up pearlyn pokxy! i'm sure it'll be fine there! trust me, and if it's really THAT bad, you can come crash rmb?? but somehow after the first month, i know you'll like it there and may not even want to change to another school. be strong and brave pal!

(edit)
ok, so i kinda found out how difficult it is to get into nj and all the other top-notch schools and i must say that i'm glad that i made it in. i hope i've made the right choice and what i should really do now is praise God because nothing would be possible if it wasn't His plan for me. ((= and i've yet to receive any news from chuting and edwyna about their posting. edwyna's coming back today but i dont know what time, so i dont dare to sms her in case she's still in malaysia. as for chuting i'm just hoping she drops me an email. but all the best to both of you for HC! i heard the cut-off is really really crazy but i really hope both of you get in despite the fact that i'll be left alone with zifang. but whatever the case, it's best you go where you like instead of where your friends are going.

i'm kinda excited for zoo+night safari trip tomorrow with pearlyn, * and *! hoho. i hope pearlyn dont be so silly till she piss me off cause i'm not a very nice girl when i'm irritated. hahs.

outing today with liting and suikim was nice. (= and i went to watch the kingdom with liting at about 4pm. my first nc16 movie. not as bloody as i expected. the movie is q ok.

anw i better go get started on something if not i really dont need to sleep tonight anymore.

2007-12-11T11:27:00.000+08:00

your favourite fairytale

you know, i have so much running through my brain these days i really dont know where to start. it's funny how i used to find joy in blogging things down so that when i write, i can reason things out. take for example if i'm angry and i start to rant about how much this person/thing has pissed me off, by the end of the entire post, i'll read back and realise that i've been really childish and then decide to just let the matter rest. i guess that's what writing can do, help you figure things out logically. but somehow, i've lost that. i dont know...but i feel uncomfortable writing certain things down.

oh wells. in any case it's not raining yet and i'm hoping to have some me-time later today. if the weather remains nice and sunny, i might hop down to spotlight to get some craft stuff. and then maybe i'm going to go to wheelock starbucks/coffeebean and read my book while i watch the world go by. hiaz. i always say i want to do this and that but i end up doing none at all. i've become such a lazy person after o's. it's almost as if o's has taken away all my energy and sometimes all i want to do is just to sleep and be lazy. it's q ironical how when i have activities for the entire week, i start to think that "hey. i want some time for myself." but when i'm totally free for the day, i start to think "i'm so bored at home. why dont anyone ask me out anymore?"yes, humans are hard to satisfy and i guess that's when problems start to surface.

and i'm happy to say that secret mission 1 is going well so i'm hoping to send it out tomorrow. i still have q a few more to go, but hopefully i can get it done by today. as for secret mission 2, i've yet to get started proper! all i've done is to type out the draft, but that's only about 5% of the whole deal. sheesh. i wonder when can it be done. and i've decided to put secret mission 3, 4 and 5 on hold first. no cash, no time, no idea as of now. hahas. i bet you're frowning right now and thinking what the hell am i talking about. sorry but i like to be secretive sometimes! hahs. you'll find out soon enough though. by the end of this hols, i promise.

alright. i shall be going now.

2007-12-10T20:00:00.000+08:00

your familiar story

i was too zoned out to blog yesterday. i realised that i blog everyday ever since the o's ended. is that a good or bad thing, i really dont know.

in any case, i caught enchanted with suikim at The Cathay yesterday. we had to brave the rain to walk over from ps. but it wasn't raining THAT heavily yet so i guess it's ok. i really dislike the rain now because it kills my plans to go out. I hope the sun will come out bright and cheery on wednesday so that i can get a nice tan! hehe. anyway, the movie's q nice and just kind of fairytale-ish. as usual it was still great hanging out with her. (= we did some shopping plus eating before heading home. short but pleasant day out with my girl.

today was a lazy day at home. i cant believe i allowed myself to be convinced by my mum to see a chinese doc for my skin! \= argh. so now i have to take this weird and black medicine every night which the doc promise to be sweet. but it doesn't smell that way to me and i dont know how am i going to gulp down one whole bowl later. gosh. i really dont believe in all these chinese medicine nonsense. i believe in western medicine where you really see the immediate effects. hiaz. what have i gotten myself into this time??? ))=

tomorrow will be another day in again. i should really get started on secret mission 1 and 2.

2007-12-08T21:18:00.000+08:00

the sun lost his job because you light up my life, daddy!

Happy Birthday Dad!

yup. today's papa's birthday. initial plans of going to East Coast Park for cycling was cancelled because all of us couldn't get our lazy bums out of bed. hahas. but we decided to go to some gardentech thingy along alexandra and the flowers were q nice! good place for phototaking. then we went to gillman for lunch. i just found out that dance circle studios has an outlet there! i shall check out their lessons schedule after i finish blogging. hiaz. to think that i wanted to do so many things during this holidays and i've yet to even complete half the list. and holidays are ending in about 3 weeks. lunch was v filling but i didn't stuff myself. hehe. dad and mum was trying to force me to eat more, but i stood firm. (=

came home and rushed for church since mummy had to be there early for meeting. lazed around and talked with a few people before teens fellowship started. it was pretty alright. i feel more happy and comfortable now. maybe because i got to know more teens during the family camp, i dont know? but i'm glad i went for fellowship. (= last few sessions left.

After fellowship, dad came to pick us up and we went to dempsey for dinner! yay, finally went there after bugging my parents for so long. We went to the long beach side for dinner and it was pretty good! (=

All in all, the day is good.

2007-12-07T00:11:00.000+08:00

comfort food

*this post should be editted again tomorrow

it's been busy for the past 2 days. but v satisfying as i always say.

ytd was ine bbq which was fun to the max max max! since when was ine stuff not fun anyway? hahas, with the ine comm 06/07 around, there's always fun. i love my babies alot and it was great fun to have michelle as my twin zebra for the night. it was unplanned since she told me that she was going as a lion the night before. but in any case she helped me put on eyeliner which she drew super thickly so that it'll resemble the strips of a zebra. michelle dearest won best dress and guess what's the prize for that??? it's super cool cuz it's a candle light dinner for two. and when we say that, what we actually mean was 2 packets of instant noodles plus 1 tea candle. hahas. hilarious! and pearlyn and yuqi have yet to complete their forfeit since most people had to rush off at about 10pm. and we're so cool we even got a home-made pinata to play with. cool anot huh??? sorry, i'm not exactly writing in chronological order since i'm rather tired right now. hmms, and as usual we had our talk rubbish plus do rubbish session. we even had yum-seng and cutting of log cake. we're too cool for words, yoz! as mentioned, we left slightly after 10 where ms tan, jim, pearlyn and i walked out. pearlyn was so lucky to get a cab immediately whereas jim had to flag a cab for me by risking his life standing somewhat in the middle of the road. and we had to wait so long before a cab finally decide to u-turn to my side of the road. many just drove off although they were not hired. i could almost hear jim swearing under his breathe already. hahas, kidding! but yea, it was nice of them to wait with me although they missed their bus. plus i was whining and whining about being tired although jim was the one attempting to flag a cab for me. oops! yea, anyhow, came home, bathe and crashed. my mum said i look cool in the super thick eyeliner, but i think i look like emo girl! but thanks mich for drawing it!

today i went to malaysia to cut my hair. had to wait forever for mummy cause she went for hair treatment. was so tempted to get coffeebean but i decided to stick to my diet plan! hahas. we didn't do any shopping because i had to rush home for zifang's performance at night. dinner at soup spoon and went to buy flowers for zifang. i think it's really sweet to recieve flowers for whatever reasons, but the only set back is they wither really quickly! but it's still v sweet, dont you agree with me?

ok...my eyes are closing. i shall edit tmr

(edit)
so zifang's performance was pretty nice. i enjoyed the enchanted forest part. but i think the first 3 individual items could be longer! it was so cute and funny seeing the little kids dancing though. peiting was laughing pretty loudly and i kept smacking her for that. hahs. the whole thing ended at about 9.40 and we talked with zifang abit before finally leaving at 10. chuting's dad fetched all of us home. thanks alot! and it was q funny that suikim and i even managed to talk abit during the intervals etc. cheer up girl! sooner or later she'll realise that you've been a really good friend and then start to appreciate you. dont worry, you have friends like me and liting who really really loves you for who you are. we're even proud to have such a pretty friend like you! hahas. you might not believe this but i keep going around telling people that "eh! suikim and liting v pretty now!" really, i'm not kidding.

came home and nothing exciting happened since.

and i'm staying home today because we're not going over to choop's anymore since edwyna is going shopping with her mumsie and sister while choops is sick. get well soon and enjoy yourself in japan!

so i'm staying at home to rot and pearlyn just asked me to go to vivo with her. but mummy decided to be strict for once and ask me to stay home with her since i've been leaving the house early in the morning and only returning late for the entire week. in any case i've got to tackle that numerous piles of books on my tables which haven't been cleared since o's. i know, i'm really lazy. so i shall ATTEMPT to clear them after lunch. btw, digressing abit. i'm so sick of outside food cause they drain my money and are so oily=unhealthy! it's killing my diet plans and i've decided to stay home and eat salad for the day. and i will go jogging later in the evening since today is the only time i've got the entire day to myself.

2007-12-04T20:44:00.000+08:00

i love my friends, i really do!

it has been a really great day catching up with liting and suikim today. and like what i always say each time after meeting up with them, physical distance apart doesn't make our friendship sour. it's just like the old times and how we're pretty much frank with each other and there's simply no need to hide anything. i'm glad to have friends like them.

i was supposed to meet liting earlier at 11 at cityhall. but as usual tardy queen was late. and this time super super late because i thought liting would spend q some time making her passport so i left the house late. but end up she didn't and so she waited more than 30mins for me. sorry sorry! so we walked around before sitting down and just talk plus look at liting's prom pictures plus eat ice cream while waiting for suikim to meet us after dance.

after she came we decided to go for lunch. couldn't decide between jack's place or spaggedies (sp?!). but decided on spag instead and i love my pasta although it's the most expensive! yummy yummy. i'm boycotting pasta mania and save up for spag instead. we sat there for super super long talking and talking. it's so fun to catch up and just talk about absolutely everything under the sun. but then again, i found out v disgusting/irksome details about relationships, i'm pretty much freaked out. not that everyone is doing it but the fact that it's so common just disgust me. dont tell me half the people are doing such things cause it's just so plain wrong. absolutely no self-respect i say. hiaz. but then again, most people would rebut me by saying "how will you understand? not like you've got a boyfriend." true, i might not be in any position to say anything. but common sense and personal values plays an inaugral part. you got to decide for yourself and protect yourself. ok, enough said on this matter. at least it serves as a reminder for me.

so we talked till like 3 plus before deciding to check out the movie timings for enchanted although liting just watched it. but the timings didn't fit so we decided to shop instead. and i'm pretty much convinced to start on my heels journey as long as i can find comfy and nice ones. at least i'll look taller! hahas. along the way, bought a dress for suikim. hope you like it cause i think it's really nice!! bought a shirt for myself too. i hope it fits cause we weren't allowed to try. both lt and sk bought too. (= then we continued walking around before going to bugis street to get skinnies. took forever to decide on a colour. i was choosing between white and this darkpurple/maroon colour. decided on the latter since the pockets can be seen super clearly on the white. walked around more and then went home.

v satisfying day today. ((=
and i'm looking forward to more fun tomorrow. got to go sleep soon since yuqi wants me to become an auntie and go to the wet market with her. what is this?! i have to wake up and meet her by 9. there goes my beauty sleep. boohoo.

but it's all for the love of enterprise, yo!

2007-12-03T20:46:00.000+08:00

i'm carried in everlasting arms

went for yaoguo uncle's wake just now. teared at the last part. i share his family's grief. but i feel so relieve seeing them become stronger since the past few days. God really comforts and i'm glad to see them smile today. including wenxue laoshi. she's strong. she even manage to say a few words to the crowd today. no one says it's gonna be easy, but i know God will give them (more than) enough to get through it all. my first thought after last night and today was that God really listens to our prayers. i really believe in the power of prayers and really, the comfort from brothers and sisters in christ is so strong. the best anyone could ask for. and i'm proud of adrian. He's so strong. Being the pillar of support for his mum and his siblings. When i shook his hand and half-hug him both last night and tonight, i could really sense his faith in God. the way he patted my shoulder even felt as though he was the one comforting me instead of the other way round. for that, i know God has worked His wonders in them. They will really emerge stronger than many of us. i know that God will continue to give them the strength and faith to continue in this material world and we'll all look forward to the day when we unite eternally in God's palace. A place meant for us. A place where there's no sorrow but eternal praise for God.

somehow, there's peace in my heart now. there's still a long long way for them to go. but i know they will all get through it. and like what jiaying said last night " we need not say much. but making our presence known to them is a good enough comfort". yup. very much agreed. ((= i'm also pretty much encouraged to see how much the teens have come together to provide comfort and encouragement for the family. it's funny how at times like these we really rally together. i hope we can really become more bonded even though i'm left with less than one month in teens. i'll really miss everything very much. and if you ask me what is my greatest regret for my 4 years in teens, i would say that i lack the motivation and determination to go for shao nian tuan qi. hiaz. i hope that at least i can make it for one last one before i officially graduate and move on to the youth section.

oh wells. life goes on. in a special part of my heart, i'll hold on to the fond memories of yaogou uncle. like how he cooked v v v delicious chicken rice when i went to his hse a couple of years back. his smiles and jokes which he always shared with me. we'll all be missing you!

moving on, i cant wait to see suikim and liting tomorrow!!! finally finally after about 3 mths? other than for the fact that i saw suikim about a week ago everyday during work. i really look forward to catching up with both of them.

2007-12-03T10:41:00.000+08:00

cause it's true, i'm nothing without You

i typed a pretty emo entry last night. but i decided not to publish it but instead just keep it as draft so that when i look back again, i'll find out how silly i've been in sec 4.

i'm waiting for pearlyn to call me and update me about everything, hence the entry. she's taking forever to wake up and wash up!!

anyway, this holidays have been pretty packed for me. but i think it's pretty fulfilling in a way and at least i dont hole up at home with nothing much to do.

let's see...plans for this week
today: uncle yaoguo's funeral in the afternoon
tuesday: out with suikim and liting (thanks chuting and edwyna for being understanding and allowing my last minute changes)
wednesday: sec 4 i&e bbq at yuqi's (i cant wait! i hope it turns out fun)
thursday: zifang's performance at night (hopefully some shopping done in the day?)
friday: chilling at chuting's place

yup. so everyday there's sth on. but at least it's pretty fulfilling. i need to exercise! hopefully i can fit running in today if i'm not too emotionally exhuasted later on. i want to swim as well. maybe that can fit in on friday over at chuting's. and the next week i plan to put in some botanical gardens loving and sentosa tanning into the picture. actually i haven't decided if i'm brave enough to tan. we shall see about that when there's proper plans. and of course i want to get down to some proper shopping which i haven't done since like prom?!! that's really long ago. and in any case, i got to get more tops which i can wear to church. i've been wearing the same few things. or rather i dont even have much choices to choose from. after next week there's youth camp so that's about a week gone again. and then i'm left with the last week before school reopens. gosh. time flies. but this holidays have been good, i must say.

i cant wait for enterprise's bbq. there's supposed to be a sleepover but my parents dont seem to want to allow (as usual). plus i dont have anything to wear because the theme is jungle madness! someone pls help! the closest i can get to the theme is to wear my black and white top and say that i'm a zebra??! \= but it's not even convincing and i dont know what else to dress up as? i shall discuss with pearlyn-the-slowpok later when she calls.

oh!! and speaking of which i got to bank in my pay soon before i use it all up. i've decided to bank 3/4 of it into my permanent account which means i cant access it using my card. and the rest would go into my nets card account so that i can use it.

ok. i shall call pearlyn now since she still hasn't called me after like 45 mins!

2007-12-02T16:05:00.000+08:00

because you never know what tomorrow brings

although the fact has somewhat sank in, i'm still feeling rather empty. i dont know. it's just so ironical how people keep going on and on about the fact that you must treasure those around you because you never know when God brings him home. but yet continue to take for granted all the people/things around us. me included.

one thing i'm glad to see is that the whole teens have somewhat become closer. we share our brother's grief. i've been keeping them in prayers. will be going for the wake later. i really hope that i wont tear. i may not know what to say or what to do, but i know God will continue to work His wonders and see them through the storm. Like what i told qiuling laoshi, God has never promised a calm, but He promise more than enough to see us through.

God please give them the strength and faith to see Your great plans in this extremely difficult period. I pray that the 4 kids will not question You but seek comfort in the fact that their daddy has gone into enternal happiness with you. Please put Your everlasting arms around Wenxue laoshi and comfort her tired and griefing soul. Please grant her the knowledge and faith to keep walking on Your path, let her see your great plans and bring her out of the misery. Please look after both her physical and spiritual body. They all need you ever so much now.
in heavenly Father's name i pray. Amen

2007-12-01T23:36:00.000+08:00

& i could only watch you walk out of the door

ok. my body clock is pretty much screwed up again because i slept from 3 till 6.30 just now and now i cant fall asleep although i'll need the rest for church tomorrow.

ok. a random question kinda post. skip it if you're not interested.

1 fondest memory you have in your lifetime

there's alot. but definitely all the sweet and nice people/things God has placed in my life. like all the stuff I&E comm has done tgt, my best friends etc etc. i know it's more than 1 already. so i shan't go on

2 people you would like to thank

my parents for simply everything

3 things you want to do right now

1. exercise and lose all the weight i've gained since prom

2. tanning once pearlyn gets back with __________

3. shopping

4 people who leave the greatest impression with reason(s)

Suikim- for all the times you bothered to keep in touch despite our busy schedules and all. i know i can always count on you and our phyiscal distance apart has never hindered our friendship. you've taught me that friendship can really last as long as everyone puts in an effort to maintain it. you never judged me for who i was and will always be there to talk whenever i needed to. thank you for making my primary school life complete and being an important part of my secondary one. remember to crash during the first month!!!

Liting- for your constant cheerfulness and never ending conversations whenever we hang out. like suikim, you made my primary school life complete and i really treasure the friendship the 3 of us share. i really miss you. pls come back quickly from china and inform either one of us soon so that we can meet up!!!

Chuting- for being my go-home buddy. all the little trials we had just made us stronger. thank you for enduring my erratic moods during upper sec and being the one to comfort me when i was down. i'll really miss having you by my side after 4 whole years and i wonder how i'm going to cope the next 2 yrs being in a completely different jc. do remember to hop by once in a while and maybe we'll be lucky enough to go home together occasionally.

Edwyna- for being the sensible one and keeping me grounded. you always offer a different perspective and i'll miss your baby-ness. just like what i said to chuting, do come by often and we must keep in touch. i'll miss you tons too and i dont know how to survive without the both of you. you made my life complete.

(i know there's four already. but i just had to add this in)

Zifang- for being able to provide me with godly advices and always encouraging me with God's words. i've seen you grow in the Lord and may we both continue to do so in time to come. i'm really thankful that at least you're going with me to ____ and i hope we end up in the same og and class (if we take the same combi). continue to strive in the Lord!

5 photos/pictures you like

this is like really long ago!

it's not always that you appear on a poster right?

i like the lights

so glam so candid. ms tan look like she's scolding me or sth.

6 strange things you've done in your life
1. Hug a stranger when i was a kid
2. laugh/smile when i think of something in a public place and end up looking like an idoit
3. become really shy in front of strangers (it's not so bad now. but i used to stick like glue to my mum when i was younger)
4. walked in the rain and like the feeling
5. missed almost the entire mid yr/final yr when i was in primary school because i fell super duper sick
6. think wearing specs is cool when i was younger. (but hate specs now that i'm old)

7 things you like in 2007
1. Getting to know all my friends now
2. all the I&E moments with my babies
3. pre-prom, prom and post prom
4. sleepover during my birthday
5. surprise birthday party by I&E
6. virgin work experience and paycheck at newbalance
7. finally over and done with O's

8 things you want to do in 2008
1. settle down in a new jc, make friends and feel comfortable there
2. Grow in the Lord more
3. Do well in jc (both CCA and academics??)
4. Be more organized!
5. Overseas trip with friends if possible. or mission trip sounds cool and meaningful too
6. *secret*
7. keep in touch with suikim, liting, chuting, edwyna and all those who are important
8. treasure those around me more

ok...sorry for such a boring and no-substance kinda post

2007-12-01T11:27:00.001+08:00

sickified

Dear God, please make me well by tuesday/wednesday so that i can catch up with my lovelies properly.

in the meantime, a picture post.
thanks choops for the pics

prom pics!

i think they took this while waiting for me

yinwai!

Yilin!

sandra! i like her hair.

the usuals! with joce

my sister!hehe. same surname. i think she looked really good that night

with some of the excos

my i&e babies!

the 4c3 non-scholars who take hcl together with zhao laoshi

kristy v pretty!!!

zifang and ms wendy tan

with mrs chia

with mdm azlin

ok...enough of prom since it's so long ago.

next i have pics from zifang's belated birthday!

look at silly peiting!!

a more normal one. hahas

group pic!

candid

marveling over the art piece!hehe. hope you like it zifang!

ok that's all for now!

2007-11-30T19:41:00.000+08:00

You give us more than enough to go through every suffering and trial

so much has happened during camp. the most shocking and unexpected left almost everyone in tears. i've never seen the teens crying so hard together before. both the guys and girls. i've never seen the various emotions evoked so strongly before. but whatever it is, i pray for them. they will emerge stronger than before. i hope everyone has learnt something from it. dont think that it wont happen to you. because you never know. this camp gave me so much more than what i've expected. i miss you, yaoguo uncle. but at least we seek comfort in that fact that you've return to the everlasting arms of God and will spend eternal life in happiness.

there's so much emotions running through us all since last night. i think i'll wait till another time for a proper update. and i'm nursing a nasty flu yet again. i think camps are too much for my old bones. i need to improve on my health somehow.

2007-11-25T20:31:00.000+08:00

so how exactly do you define forever?

sometimes i think that i worry too much for my own good.

i'll be away for church camp from tomorrow till friday evening. don't msg/call me unless it's really urgent. note that cost of overseas sms would be charged to your hp bill not mine.
(this time last yr, i was exchanging so many sms with mich and comm cause it was so close to I&E camp. i miss my secondary life even before jc comes into the picture)

somehow it just suddenly dawned on me that life wouldn't be the same anymore. my two closest friends are not going to the same place as me. (or rather i've been trying to numb myself to the fact and pretend that it's never gonna happen. just like how i didn't try a single bit to get them to consider nj instead. i guess we've got to respect each other.) it's funny how i used to think that at least i'll go somewhere together with one of them, or even in the best case with both of them. but somehow things didn't turn out the way i envisioned them too, and i'm left all alone to go to ___ instead. in the first place i dont even know if i can make it in. the only thing i'm glad and comforted is that at least zifang is going in with me. if not i really dont know what to think. but then...

ok. i'll leave this till another day when i'm in a better state of mind.

in the meantime, i'm sorry for mia-ing the past few days. everyday has been wake up, work, come back, bathe, use the net while waiting for hair to dry and then sleep. now i understand why adults say u meet your true friends in school. work seriously kills your social life. it's even worst than exams in that aspect.

2007-11-24T23:55:00.000+08:00

and maybe you're gonna be the one that saves me
and afterall you're my wonderwall

today's work was tiring yet satisfying and fun at the same time. 9am till 10.30pm is no joke, but i'm glad we finished up earlier than expected. but i cant stand stupid guys who just sit around without being helpful. like what suikim says, pls be more pro-active man! argh! never mind, shall not elaborate on that.

q sad that i didn't manage to try out apparels cause it seems kinda fun to run around (plus exercise!) and also get to know more people. packing and packing the whole day can be rather mundane at times. but at least auntie jennifer is q nice and always allow me to scuttle off when friends come to visit. although i might not show it, i'm really very glad to those who bothered to come to visit me despite me saying that it would be pointless to do so in my blog. like pearlyn and yin wai for coming down twice in 4 days although the place is so super inconvenient, fiona for coming down once, my family for coming down today despite the crowd and ms tan plus jim as well. i never really took anyone seriously when they said they wanted to come down cause i always thought no one would be interested and well...there's really no point for them to come down unless they want to buy something. but those people mentioned above really did bother to come down and brighten up my day. at least they provided me with an excuse to go for a break even when it wasn't lunch/dinner time. and they really make me laugh and smile. i love every single one of you. thanks alot! ms tan and jim came down today as well and crescent people like isabella were trying to hide from her. it's pretty funny cause isabelle was hiding behind the table and whispering "tan siew huang is here!" while ms tan somehow heard her and was just directly above her smiling down. totally shocked isabella. but yea, i'm glad they came cause i was kinda dying working before they arrived and when they came, i immediately requested for break! hehe. i was trying to convince ms tan to buy so many tops. and she totally tried on every single top i took out for her. she was so gleeful that she made the correct choice to wear the black dress she was wearing. and as usual she bullied me! )= but i was telling her about ____ and how he was being freaky. and she totally went "show me how he look like" and when i pointed him out, both jim and her scrunched up their faces simultaneously and said that it wasn't a good choice. upon hearing what school ____ came from, they totally went like "forget it, i think * looks q cute instead" hahas. and guess what?? the person they pointed out was sui chuan! so funny la! and then i brought them to see suikim and told them that both suikim and suichuan were twins. but yea, to cut a long story short, i'm really glad that both of them plus my family came down today. work today was kinda non-stop and without all the laughter they brought me, i think i would be bored to death.

i think my holiday is flying past so quickly, it's only like 2 weeks after o's but it feels like forever already. but i'm going for church camp in malaysia from monday to friday next week so i wont have much time left after. and in any case there's still youth camp. so say the truth i'm scared and rather reluctant to go for youth camp. but if i dont, i'll probably feel so left out or sth next year when i move on to youth section. i hate changes. i dont want to go to a new jc, neither do i want to go to youth. boohoo.

alright. it's really late. got to crash before waking up for church tomorrow. i'm kinda glad work is finally over and done with.

2007-11-23T23:11:00.000+08:00

you leave me hanging on the line,
everytime you change your mind

shitty. i dont know how to react tmr if.... i think only one person will understand what i'm typing. i just hope nth happens tomorrow since it's the last day of work already. i just busted 105bucks on all the newbalance stuff i bot. but dont care la. mummy is probably gonna sponsor some since i'm sharing all the tops with her. and she'll end up wearing them for lessons at planet fitness every week.

there's so much running through me now i really cant get to sleep. i hope my worries are uncalled for.

praise the Lord cause daddy got a new job and he's happy with it. i hope he can settle down soon and last long there all the way till retirement or something.

2007-11-22T23:39:00.000+08:00

super duper tired

short one today cause my legs are aching like mad and the only reason why i'm not snoring away on bed is because my hair is still wet and i'm so tired i dont want to move and look for the hair dryer in my parents' room.

anw, again for those asking for exact address.
The Comtech
60 Alexandra Terrace
#02-09, Lobby B
sales start from 10am-7pm from thursday to saturday. best time to come would be at 10am because that is when the stocks are replenished and plenty of sizes available. plspls dont come down during lunch time cause it's really packed and crazy. 5plus would be fine too, just that there might not be sizes available. and in case you're looking for me, i should be contactable through my hp (unless i'm really busy) or you can just look out for me at the cashier area cause i'm the one packing all the goods! hehe. ohh! there are shoes, bags, tops, polo tees, long pants, shorts, socks etc on sale. all super cheap! i bought so many tops for both my mum and i. i think i totally spent every single cent of my first and second day's pay. )))= money so difficult to earn but so easy to spend.hiaz. and i hope new designs come in cause i want to get more shorts!!! i'm totally boycotting FBTs for new balance cause they are of the same price ( in this sales) and FBTs are so common!

anw i was pretty freaked out today by this group of trackers from i-dont-know-what-school. they kept staring at me and when they came up to pay for their stuff, one guy went "my friend say you're very pretty and he wants your number but dont dare to ask. could you tell me pls?" and i was so stunned cause it never happened to me before. whatsmore i was doing sales with aunty jennifer and not like there weren't any adults near me. but i totally went like "oh thanks. sorry but i'm attached," hahas. not like it's true but at least that way they'll just leave me alone. and apparently they're friends with this guy working part time in new balance for this sales. oh wells. i doubt i'll see them again. and even if i do i wont recognise them cause it's so busy today!
my feet is dying and i wish i had the osim leg massager thingy right now. but work is fun. it beats going shopping and wasting time.

alright. i'm going to sleep!
nights

2007-11-21T21:18:00.000+08:00

when something can seem so right and so wrong all at the same time

ok...yuexi's reporting back from her first day of work. actually i was feeling really really lazy and didn't want to come online at all. i just want to collapse onto bed (once my hair dries) and then sleep all the way till tommorrow morning. actually work only started proper at 10 plus 11 and we packed and packed and packed till lunch. ate lunch at the foodcourt thingy. somehow mummy was so desperate looking for me because some MOE person called early in the morning to tell her that my PAE online application didn't get through. (which is so not true because i got the verification slip which literally screams that it was successful at 23.04 last night!) but anyhows she was really worried cause she couldn't contact me on my handphone which i left in the office. but God is wonderful and it's so coincidental that when she walked into the lobby, i was walking past to go back to the function room which doubles up as the warehouse for the sales. so dad quickly sent me home and i logged onto the damn PAE website thing again just to find that there was still a verification slip thingy on my homepage. i was so pissed i started screaming around and my dad called the MOE hotline thing. after wasting so much time on the phone and the person check this nonsense and that, they finally come and tell me that my application was successful. WTH! i was so angry i almost wanted to curse or something. if they had so much time to come and call me early in the morning and make me go home halfway from work, then why dont they have the time to call again just to assure me that everything's fine? can u imagine all the trouble mummy would have to go through just to contact me if we didn't meet at the lobby? goodness, this incident started me thinking about all the things we learn in SS and whether they are just like ____. argh! so frustrating. and it's like so scary cuz i was so afraid i couldn't go to a JC or something.

so anyway, the tiring part only came after lunch cause that was when ALOT more stocks came in and the whole place was so so so messy. we had to pack everything in according to size, move the boxes accordingly etc etc for like 5 hrs? pretty tiring. but at the end of the day when you get your pay, it makes it seems all worthwhile. plus i got to catch up alot more with suikim. and i think her friend, huiyi is super pretty!!! i need to learn from her and accquire her determination for dieting. she dropped from like 45kg to 38kg in about a yr! my idol!!! but i think it's abit scary if she continues to diet. but she's like so pretty!! ahh! sk, why your nanyang good friends all so pretty one?! lucky i'm not going to HC next yr, hahas.

ok. anyway, thanks pearlyn and yinwai for coming down to visit. i really didn't expect u guys since sales will only start tomorrow from 10am-7pm. so sorry for making u guys wait and i cant talk for long. later i get sacked on my first day la! but yea, i'm really touched. thanks alot! and to those who are thinking of visiting, i think you really dont have to waste your time because it's gonna be really busy the next few days and i dont think i'll be able to talk. i'm supposed to be working at the cashier area as packer or something, so all the more i cant talk with all the adults around. i know u guys will support me emotionally! hehe. thanks anw. plus the area is pretty inconvenient, so dont waste your time.

anw i think i'm just going to bust my pay today on my own clothes,shorts and bags tomorrow! i hope the size that fits me is still available! got so many cheap stuff i want to get!!

ok i'm gonna sleep soon so that i'll be all awake tomorrow. goodbye

2007-11-20T21:53:00.000+08:00

comfort food and big bear hugs

i'm so broke and tired from today!!! ))= but i'm happy and rather satisfied. so all's well. woke up at 8 plus because jiaqun's mum called all the way from china to help her clarify some things. she spoke so fast i could barely catch what she's saying. but anyway finally managed to return her call in chuting's house (rmb to tell me how much choops!) and then went to chuting's house super late although we agreed on 9am. sorry! so we finally finished up the last 2 pages and the covers before heading over to school to hand in some stuff. took 111 and finally reached marina sq. lunched at xin wang hongkong cafe (the only thing i like there is the horfun and yingyong tea) was freezing like mad. ate for v long plus gave zifang her present. sorry it's so belated but i hope u like it! we spend alot of effort+time+money to make it! (= camwhored around before deciding to leave cause it was so cold!!! walked around marina abit and bought presents for peiting although she was with us. and she didn't know at all! aren't we pro? hehe. we merely bot what she picked out and said she liked. lucky she was broke if not she would have bot them herself. then peiting brought zifang to warehouse etc while the 3 of us scot off to get some cake for both of them. sneaky eh! but they sorta figured out. anw walked over to esplanade and wanted to have an oh-so-romantic picnic along the river but it was drizzling. so we decided to head over into the esplanade instead. sang a song (we're so musical!) and ate the cake. went over to esplanade library where zifang borrowed some dvd whilst the rest of us enjoy the scenery. esplanade lib is still my fave although it's q far.

afterwhich, we decided to all head down to town since peiting, zifang and i wanted to go to borders. finally used up all 60 bucks in my card my buying a 2008 organiser, zifang's organiser and a 3-for-2 books with chuting. thanks zifang for helping me to finish the money!! i kinda like my organiser although zifang's one is nicer. but never mind. all i hope for is that i'll really use if next year, if not 22 bucks gone down the drain. the book i bought is titled 'damaged'. pretty much the emo kind of books i usually read. i hope it's a good read if not i would have wasted about 17 bucks on it! i think i'm going to bring it along for church camp next week. (oh man! i just realised i haven read the thick stack of notes yet. i'm so dead!)

ok. so i'm starting work tomorrow. one day earlier than expected. i just hope i can survive all 4 days! tomorrow shouldn't be THAT tiring yet since the sales haven't started. i'm q scared cuz i dont know what to expect. i hope they put me and sk together but sk says it all depends. plsplspls put us together. and i hope what enterprise has taught be can be put to good use. i'll totally smile the whole day or sth and hopefully dont burst if i meet a super irritating or picky customer. and of course i cant wait to recieve my pay! hoho. my v first time getting money which is not coming out from my parent's pocket ok! but i guess the main reason i've always wanted to work was for the experience. but of course my current situation kinda catalyst it and motivated me even more. not that the few hundred i'll earn will help. but at least i can get something i want without having to take out my hand and get the money from my parents. too bad if you dont believe me. but really, the pay is secondary. if i dont work now, i've got to wait for 2 whole years more after a's before i really get the time to work. by then everyone would be working and... i dont know. maybe i would have lost all skills learnt in enterprise. and of course i'll really learn what is 'hard earned money' and appreciate the kind of life my parents gave me since young.

alright. in case you're wondering exactly where i'm working, here's the address:
The Comtech
60 Alexandra Terrace
#02-09, Lobby B
i'm not sure where exactly it is, but i'll update when i find out tomorrow.
it's a newbalance warehouse sale. there's shoes and apparals for sale. so do visit me if you're interested and hope that i'm free to talk to you or sth! Sales start on thursday till sunday. but i'm working till saturday only since there's church on sunday.

2007-11-19T15:19:00.000+08:00

paperback books and charming looks

boohoo. i'm stuck at home nursing a horrid flu. i just hope it gets better by tomorrow so that i can go out as planned. it gets better whenever i take the medicine but comes back after a couple of hours when the medicine starts to wear off. so irritating to be constantly sniffing. pls make me well tomorrow so that i can look for new clothes to wear! yesterday's short shopping in vivo has brought me nowhere close to getting my hands on any new clothes. so upsetting.

there's nothing much to do at home now that prom is over. and the neighbours are still renovating their house which means that there's drilling going on and i cant stand the noise. i dont have any mood for anything. and whenever i think of shopping, i just think that i wont find anything nice which i would buy.

but at least there's work to keep me occupied. would be rather busy from thurs to saturday with work. let's just say the pay is averge. but hey! at least i get to spend time with suikim and i hope i wont feel all awkward with her nanyang friends around. i just hope i survive those 3 days because it's like from 9am to 9pm on weekdays and 9am to 11pm on weekends. rather crazy and i dont know if i can hold on for so long. 6 hours stints like bluesky is enough to exhuast me, what more about double the time. i'm still thinking about how i'm gonna spend the money. should i just save it up or spend a bit of it or splurge entirely on a new camera. boohoo. i dont know. but i know i promised my parents to treat them to max brenner when i earn my first 50 bucks. so if they're really game for it, then i'll be treating them. if not i'll save that up. hahas. and speaking of which, pearlyn neo hui min you still owe me a lot of things you know!

ok...i'm still super lazy to blog about camp. another time perhaps

2007-11-18T22:34:00.000+08:00

the emotions running through as memories come flooding back

ok...so much has happened since prom i dont know where to start... )=

let's start with prom first.
as most people already know, prom/grad night was held at hilton this year and i was kinda expecting more. but too bad the food wasn't that good. got make-up done in pearlyn's room at orchard parade and i was damn pissed off. if she isn't my mum's cousin i would have just gone down to orchard road to get my hair and make up done even if it means i got to spend double the price. argh. she was so late and she promised to bring a hair stylist along too so that 2 person could work on six of us so that we wouldn't be late for prom. but no...she came all alone and had to do BOTH our hair plus makeup within 3 hours. which is kinda impossible. plus i didn't like my hair at all (it made me look so auntie) and while looking through pictures i realised that my face is kinda white. which is what i totally didn't wanted at all. argh. and she finally finish at about 7.45pm which is super late considering that we had to report at 6.45 latest. i was so damn pissed la. and thanks chuting, zifang and edwyna for waiting patiently for me even if it means u guys missed the crazy photo taking before prom and all the speeches and the first few dishes. i'm really sorry for recommending such a lousy person and i'm not gonna use her for the rest of my life. i dont care if i got to pay 60-80bucks instead of 48 to get everything done outside. plus ALOT of people couldn't recognise me. everyone had to stare twice before realising it's me. yes. that's how bad it was. but at least chuting likes her hair and edwyna looks like a cute princess. i was so worried that i looked bad and all. but i kinda stopped worrying when ms tan kept assuring me that i looked fine and when i convinced myself that whether or not i looked bad, this is the day for me to just enjoy myself. so i guess everything fell into place and i started taking pics. hardly ate cause i was walking around and taking pics. it was q scary that a few random scholars even asked me to take a pic with them even though i didn't know any of them. everything ended pretty soon and they started the disco lights and clubbing music. i didn't like any of those and went out of the room to continue taking pictures with people. i guess the only fun thing about prom is looking at how everyone looked so pretty all dressed up and how some people put on a dress even when u expected them to come in pants instead. yup. like what pearlyn says "it's before and after prom that is the real fun". it was q crazy shopping for prom dress (although i ended up borrowing), looking for makeup etc and planning for the activities after. was really tired but caught the game plan at 1.45am before crashing at home at about 5.30 and then waking up and reaching school by 9. it's crazy but rather fun. at least i got to spend time with my friends.

ok some pics. there's still some more in pearlyn's, chuting's and zifang's cam which i haven't got yet. but pls be prepared to see someone who doesn't look like yuexi.

chi shan! she's v v v lame

joyce and choops! i think chuting looks q sweet. check out her thick thick brows which is rather unique and cool.

with sandra...my face is white and my lips are too red. )=

ms ang!who talks like at a speed of a bullet train. but she's like super dedicated to amath and you'll get use to her soon enough

hani!

yanting and karen. yanting is like so thin!

adelicia and shuyi! i like the tube top of adelicia's dress...a pretty classic one but it's nice!

enterprise kids! everyone looks so pretty

i love my pretty princess (baby) edwyna!

ms lau still looks so good after her first child (my face looks fat)

because i'm the queen! (=

wynn looks so pretty and classic too!

BFF! hehe. chuting where are you?!

(more pics when i get them)

ok...then there was enterprise camp from friday till today. but let's keep that for another time. maybe tomorrow.

just a couple of hours ago, i went to ms Ho Liyi's wedding solemnization in sentosa. she looked so pretty! (which bride isn't?) ok...let the pictures do the talking (sandra! send me the photos which you didn't upload in your blog)

we were just camwhoring while waiting for the thing to start

3/5 of those from 4c3 who went

and here comes stunning bride!

bride and groom

ms ho looked so shy before the kiss but they kissed for soooo long! hehe

us from 4c3!

2007-11-15T10:52:00.000+08:00

whatever you do, i'll be two steps behind you

nothing interesting happened yesterday. neither has anything extra-ordinary happen today. but i guess the day will turn out much better towards the night because it's prom/grad night day!i just hope my makeup and hair wont be screwed up and i wont end up looking like ten years older or something. plus i haven't got my necklace but mummy promised that if her cousin doesn't have a suitable one to lend me, she'll bring me down to orchard road immediately to get one. i love my mummy cause she's been rather sweet lately. at least she recognises my effort to save money and she havent been scolding me for not being at home or for not clearing my massive pile of books on the dining table and in the living room. not that she would scold me or anything if i were to go out everyday, just that i know she prefers me to spend more time at home. but hey! my neighbours are renovating their house and all the noise pollution from drilling is enough to drive me nuts. by the way, in case you're wondering how am i going to find time to shop for my necklace at the last minute, a group of us are doing our hair plus makeup in orchard parade hotel (thanks pearlyn for sharing your room!) and then we'll all cross the road to go to hilton at six plus. so if you do spot us crossing the road, pls dont laugh because i think we'll look really funny in our dresses and all. hahas. but in any case, i really hope the makeup and hair turns out fine. and i dont want to have white ghost face in pictures!!!on the other hand, it's q exciting to see everyone dressed up and all pretty. i really hope we can take loads and loads of pics although i dont think i'm going to bring my lousy camera. you know what, my dad's new sony ericsson phone's camera is the same megapixel as my camera! so now you know how lousy my cannon camera is.

so i didn't go out yesterday, but thankfully pearlyn helped me get a gift for gift exchange so at least i didn't have to make a trip down to vivo or something to get it. she claims that it's cute. so whoever gets my present, blame pearlyn if you dont like it! hahas.

and i like having in depth conversations with people. like with in-y a few nights before. it's pretty interesting to find out how someone else would view the same issue. it kind of gives you a wider perspective. or at least allow you to see the same thing in a different angle. and she always make me feel better about myself. at the very least i know that....ah..never mind! moving on, i find it kind of ridiculous how people tend to stereotype others based on how they talk or dress or walk etc. i mean you dont even know the person for who she/he is. it's just unfair to label the person as 'bad' or 'good'. i mean, it's true that we tend to choose our friends based on physical appearance when we first meet. but that's simply because we dont want to mix with bad company. but if the person is just...welll...different from us, that doesn't mean he/she is gonna be a bad person. aiya...i think there's always two sides to a coin. it all depends on how you want to see it. and speaking about stereotyping, most of the juniors know their class for upper sec already. and it's q ridiculous how they start to think that their friends are 'lousy' or 'smart' based on the class they're allocated to. a person in a C class doesn't mean that she's smarter or better in any other way. and a person taking combine science doesn't mean she's lousy. the person taking combine science may even end up with a better L1R5 for o's. so please stop comparing. you got to spare some thought for others alright. seriously, success or good results in lower sec doesn't mean anything at all. look at me and you'll know. i think everyone is on a level playing field and only hard work will get you somewhere. we shall wait and see, shan't we?

ok...i need to go mope around the house before leaving for orchard soon.

2007-11-13T20:21:00.000+08:00

with sore legs and tired eyes, but empty hands

so i've been in town since like 12.30 till 7 today but i got nothing. yes...nothing at all. i can probably hear most people go like "well...since when yuexi can find something she like?" but i didn't even get my brows plucked!we practically went to every departmental store along orchard road in our search for heels for edwyna and clutch for chuting. but at least both of them got what they needed eventually. so that's good. and i TRIED to look for my necklace but i didn't see anything that was really worth the money. )= and thanks zifang for lending me the clutch! towards lunch we were pretty bored with all the shoes and bags we saw because it was almost the same at every departmental store!!! boring shitz. and i decided not to go for mani and pedi with ms tan. it's just too plain weird and kinda expensive.

and then pearlyn and i had gelare with ms tan at far east. it was totally unplanned because ms tan suddenly called and asked if we wanted to meet her. so we did that and talk rubbish plus made alot of noise. both pearlyn and ms tan are so childish i cant stand it!!!

hmms...i dont have much to blog about because i dont want to go into details about today. it's pretty boring. and the only thing i did was to make myself fatter by eating some choc cake thing at coffee club plus waffles at gelare. ))=

ok..proper to-do-list (which may get editted when i think of more stuff)
1) meet up with sk and lt once sk comes back from america
2) picnic at botanical gardens
3) exercise soon! (i should go on a proper running or gyming session with my mum at planet fitness. she's even fitter than me which is like...)
4) buy KEDS or some other canvas shoes. actually i kinda have second thoughts. but shall see how it goes
5) get a good book at borders and spend a quiet afternoon reading it
6) get 2008 organiser
7) get clothes!
8) stop eating so much rubbish
9) facial with mumsie (maybe)
10) complete secret mission #1 and #2 soon
11) get gift exchange present soon
12) hunt for good speech lessons (actl i dont think i have time for it. but i need to do something about my spoken english and chinese)
13) decide on which JC for first month (i've really been avoiding this and i dont want to think about it)
14) catch up with alot of others
15) pack up my books before my mum blows her top or sth
16) haji lane (who wants to go with me?)
17) workworkwork (if sk's mum thingy is on. if not for ____ i wont even be doing this)
(edit)
18) get liang jing ru's new album

k...that's all i can think of for now. goodbye

2007-11-12T21:50:00.000+08:00

life's good...but kinda, sorta...empty

yoyoyo! o's are finally ovvverrr for me! actually i didn't really feel that high the entire time after the paper. but i'm certainly super glad it's over. but i feel kinda weird not coming home to do any work or pore over my notes. it's crazy. like 1 whole year of studying and then suddenly i dont have to face my books anymore. i was even fretting about what i'm gonna do tonight. but i just sat in front of the big black box and poof, 2 hours gone. i can't believe this is the kinda life i had way before this year. i hate it yet love it at the same time.

oh man. so many many things i want to do!!! first of all, settle everything for prom. i got my dress from pam. i'm so glad and at last i dont have to fret about it anymore. but there's still all the random stuff like clutch and necklace. luckily i could fit into my mum's heels which i think look q pretty. yup so i guess tmr is gonna be hardcore shopping. hopefully all of us can get the stuff we need tmr. and i'm still contemplating if i should go for mani + pedi with pearlyn or just do it myself at home. plusplus ms tan said that she has good contacts for it and was asking if we want to join her on wednesday. i have french manicure set so who wants me to do for you just tell me! but the downside is that you've got to cut your nails in the shape you want because i suck at that. hehe. and then of course i want to pluck my brows but my mum keep insisting that i shouldn't because i'm just going to screw up the shape. but i dont think so! never mind. shall see my mood tmr. and and and i bought my lash essence on saturday. i was in a really bad and depressed mood so i just decided to head out of the house to meet my mum and her friend for dinner. which was actually a rather good decision because i managed to get my lash essence and a few other stuff. and best of all it cleared up my mood and i came back to study better. so yea. all's well. and i managed to convince my mum that the amount of money i saved for prom can be used to buy new clothes. so i cant wait to hit the shops proper and update my wardrobe which has never been nice or good. but chuting keep saying that i will take a million years to find something i like...well...pretty true but...aiya! i will try to find something nice lah.

ok...the para above is bimbotic and vain (which i have been for the past few days) so pls pardon me. i guess it's post-prom syndrome. hmms...and i was TRYING to share my interest and joy in picnic-ing at botanical gardens with chuting and edwyna. but both of them doesn't seem to share my excitement. )= and i dont think zifang likes the sun eh? but never mind. worst come worst it's just pearlyn and me since she owe me one. (=

oh man. i'm so excited for tmr. been forever since i shopped proper and i really hope i can find things i like. i really need more clothes!

shopping list for tmr:
1) get angel and mortal gift for INE camp which i'm so totally looking forward to.it better be good jnrs!
2) pretty necklace at a decent price (i saw one at chomel today but it's a freaking 61 bucks!)
3) get new clothes if there's time to shop
4) decide if i'm plucking my brows and if yes get it done at browhaus
5) look for KEDS if there's time. if not settle for some other canvas shoes. i'm considering the most basic converse. but i dont know if i should!!! they aren't exactly that comfortable. and i wasted 80 dollars on my limited edition one which i hardly wore.

ok..it's not alot. but chuting and edwyna has stuff they're looking for too. plus pearlyn so i think we'll end up waiting for each other and the day would be gone before we know it.

and since now i know BOTH chuting and edwyna reads my blog, we got to plan out something for prom. whether or not we're having anything or heading home. and of course zifang. i know all 3 of you will be reading this so we got to settle something soon!!

2007-11-10T10:23:00.000+08:00

cause i dont need boxes wrapped in strings
and designer love and empty things
just the chance that maybe we'll find better days

ytd was super unproductive because edwyna totally motivated me to complete my mcq the night before. she's so crazy to have finished all 97 to 06 mcq on the first day itself. so i totally went mad and chiong mine too. so now i dont have anything to do.\= actually i still can go on to do the june papers or the 88 to 96 ones. but the syllabus are slightly different and i'll feel v agitated when i got to skip a question because i know nothing about it. it's either i finish the whole paper and calculate how much i got out of 40, or i dont do it at all. weird thinking i know. and in any case. i'm getting pretty worried about prom because i haven't got a single thing yet. no joke. i'm hoping pam goes down to town or something today so she can pass me the dress (but that means i got to go down to town purposely). but if not, i'll go her house and pick it up from her. i think it's pretty weird that i'm borrowing from her although i hardly know her. but i like her dress and my size aren't being sold anymore. well...worst come worst use my aunt's one.

boohoo. and i have stupid scratch marks on my face because vain me is keeping my nails long to do manicure. and goodness knows why i scratch my face at night?! i thought only babies do that. i just hope it clears up soon.

and i guess i'm in a much better mood now. decided that there's no point brooding over such stuff and getting agitated. no point at all. because everyone means so much i dont want to lose anyone. so i'm just gonna swallow everything and just yea...keep my cool.

last night was pretty fun talking to zifang both on the phone and msn. fantasizing about alot of rubbish and yea.

actually i have alot to blog about. just that i cant make up my mind if i want to do it on the world wide web.

sometimes livejournal sounds interesting, no?plus friends locked entries.

2007-11-08T18:12:00.000+08:00

1.yuexi has become extremely distracted in the past 48hours and have yet to reach her targetted number of mcq ques
2. she thinks the root of all evil is the internet
3. where she spends almost half her time gaping at pretty pictures and interesting sketchbook ideas
4. she has lost almost complete interest in online shopping
5. she doesn't know why she's typing in such a way but finds it so much easier
6. just think of something and plop it down. no need for proper sentence structures
7. her maid has just baked a whole batch of cookies which her stomach will explode from eating and she'll turn into a 200-pounds monster overnight
8. she's perpetually thinking about all the things she's gonna do after the o's
9. she is constantly scoring an average of 35/40 for both her physics and chem mcq and nothing seems to be pulling up that grade
10. she thinks (visual) art students are really cool
11. she cant wait for monday to come
12. she's secretly worried about _______
13. she wants to go on a ______ to botanical gardens, haji lane, bukit timah rail
14. she's both looking forward but yet dreading for prom
15. she thinks 15 fast facts about her is the way to end a post. Goodbye

(edit)
i've decided to off my handphone and chuck my tablet away in my drawer which i'm going to lock up after today (which is technically 20mins later). i'm tired of having to try to salvage the wreckage i've created because nothing can please everyone. it's either i hurt this or that. nothing is perfect and i just thought that this is a way i can find some sort of relieve no matter how temporary. and please dont get all sensitive and think that i'm referring to you or i'm angry at you. seriously, i'm not. i'm just frustrated with myself and how things are turning out. and it's not just about any particular event. it's about my life as a whole. it's no one's fault. really. i'm sorry if you sms me and i don't reply. i just need a break. call me at home if you really need to. i think i'm just going to hole up at home to do mcq and have tuition.

and like i said. my biggest source of distraction is the internet.

2007-11-07T22:34:00.000+08:00

i've joined facebook after so many years.

but i dont know how to use it!!

2007-11-07T18:33:00.000+08:00

oh my goodness!

look at what i just found on the moe website

Hwa Chong: 3(arts) 3 (science)
NJC: 5 (arts) 5 (science)
ACJC: 8 (arts) 7 (science)
AC (independent): 7 (science)
VJC: 5 (arts) 5 (science)

why AC(i) doesn't have arts?!!! aiya. but never mind. i dont think i want my parents to splurge on my jc education as of now. so it's pretty obvious what my choices are. but i still haven't made up my mind. and all the choices are based on geographical distance from my house (well...sorta). like i said if i live in the east, i'll want to go to vjc. anw...i still have about a week to decide so i'm still gonna leave it aside till after o's and then really sit down to think about it. i'm just glad that God gave me decent grades so that my choices are open.

but i got a feeling that the aggregate would shoot up again this year. because the papers are generally harder than last year (in my opinion), unless cambridge does some amendments to the distinction rates. (which i secretly hope they do so that i can get a decent L1R5)

ok...bye i'm off for dinner.

2007-11-06T10:33:00.000+08:00

just some random thoughts (which might just be deleted by the end of the day)

1. i think polaroids are cool and rather old-school if you know how to take good pictures with it
2. i want KEDS! (someone with the latest seventeen prom issue pls check for me where is it retailing in singapore. i vaguely rmb isetan or sth)
3. i dont understand why some people can take so nice photos (maybe they're just pretty)
4. i hope that my hundred geog mcq policy works out and i can get like 100% correct tmr (actl just like less than 5 mistakes would be good enough)
5. i think the internet is evilll and i need to stop getting distracted when i come online
6. online shopping is getting boring because the same old thing appears
7. i hope i can go work with suikim this holiday and earn some money which i desperately need
8. i admire people who can look absolutely great in every kind of shirts/dresses/tunics and all those
9. i want a proper and good digicam (this has got to wait till...)
10. i've yet to try out facebook and stop bugging me to because i'll just end up wasting even more time online
11. i want to get the lash essence thingy to make my super short lashes grow longer (my mum wants too! just that her lashes are like how long already! i bet a certain degree of vanity runs in our blood)
12. i need to discover new and nicer songs to put into my mp3. the same old few has been playing non-stop
13. i cant wait for o's to be over. (actl i'm rather slack now)
14. i wonder how much i'll change when i go to JC. for the better or for the worst
15. i want to go indulge in cold rock, max brenner, cheese cake etc etc (but i've put on like tonnes of fats and blubber already and haven't exercised in 12345678 million years)

ok 15 fast facts about things running through my head.
i'm out!

2007-11-04T14:08:00.000+08:00

And i wished for things i dont need, All i wanted, And what i chased wont set me free

1 week plus 1 day. 1 written paper and 3 MCQ.

that's all i've got to get through.

so much i want to do. so much i want to achieve. so much i want to honour You. it's all in Your hands.

i just want a quiet day to snuggle myself up and let the world rush past me while i take the back seat and admire Your amazing works of glory. i want to sing praises for You. right from the bottom of my heart and to mean every single word i say.

i think a break would do us all good. to find back all the little pieces we have lost. to find back our lost identity and just to piece everything together. too much shit has been happening. i break and burst at times. but i believe and look forward to the day when You will fix up everything for me and bring me back to those happy days. I believe that You reign the world and nothing is too hard for me to get through. i believe that one day i'll get through it all and dwell in Your presense forever more.

i dont know what you have planned for me. i dont know how will i face the challenges. but one thing i know is that You love me and that's all i need to get through.

I LOVE YOU, DEAR FATHER IN HEAVEN.

2007-11-03T09:21:00.000+08:00

but i didn't promise you anything

oh man. i can go bang my head now because i slept at 10pm last night and only woke up at 7.30am today. which means it's a total of about 9.5 hours. that's like the longest sleep i've got since....like way before prelims or something. and worst still i'm still in the midst of o's and i'm starting to slack because i'm only left with

monday-Social studies
wednesday- geog paper 1
the next monday-chem and physics paper 1

i can totally smell freedom already. can't wait. but anyhow. the only reason i can offer myself about why i should be allowed to sleep for 10 freakin hours straight is that i've studied 4 Social Studies chapters and did 2 chaps of geog mcq ytd after physics paper. that's like one of the most productive day i had since i dont know when. but ya. i just hope what i study come out if not i can go bang the wall and die. bascially i'm studying all singapore chapters other than diplomacy and deterrence. and ytd i was just feeling so tired and just thought that sleep could do me some good by clearing up my head. i had so many thoughts running through i dont even know what exactly is bothering me. i think it's just a bit of everything which adds up to alot. for others, for myself, for the future, for the next few months. life is just full of uncertainty and decisions. if only there was a fool-proof way to do things. but that never happens and i kinda figured that sometimes i should allow myself to fail so that i learn the lesson the hard way.

physics was quite bad. but i hope at least i can maintain my B3? actually the more i get towards the end of o's. the more scared and dejected i feel because it really isn't going the way i hope. but then, i'm trying to leave it till january. and like what pearlyn said, by then i wont even remember which paper i screwed up.

ok. i should start sudying SS and my mum seems to want me to go out and look for my dress once she's done gyming at planet fitness in vivo. i dont know if i'm going yet. let's say if i finish ALL my ss i'll go and give myself a break.

2007-10-31T14:28:00.000+08:00

when the stress gets to your head and makes those screw loose

hahah. sucha lame and random title. but who cares. it's in an attempt to lighten up and just focus on the happy thoughts. and no. i'm not gonna start rambling about how screwed up my english was. neither am i going to start complaining about o's.

on the other hand. i praise God for seeing me through every single paper and just being there for me. (= hcl paper was easier than the normal school papers so i hope i can at least maintain my b3. i'll be contented and happy with that. and if i do get an A i'm so gonna..... actually i dont know what i'm going to do. shall leave it as that for now. hahas. i just hope the teacher doesn't vomit blood and die over my compo because i didn't manage to read through it once and i'm sure i'll be hitting the max of 7 marks for wrong words etc. but oh wells. nothing i can do about it.

yayayay! o's are like half over for me. got to get through physics on friday and then i'm left with mcq papers and of course SS. but let's take the week as it comes and so, i'm only left with physics for the week. my worst nightmare but i'm gonna try my best to beat it to pulp and prove that at least i got 1% of my father's genes in physics. will you believe me if my dad is an engineer and deals with physics like everyday?! goodness, i'm such a poor testimony of my parents.

just last night i was chatting with ms tan about what i'm gonna do straight after o's. i cant wait cant wait cant wait! heehe. all i want to do is snuggle up under the covers and sleep for 24hours straight. it would be best if it's storming outside so that the weather would be really cool and cold for sleeping. afterwhich i'm gonna hop down to borders, grab a book with the trusty ole 60 dollars card i've got but never used, and then sit down at starbucks or sth to have a good read while watching the world rush by. or maybe i'll go down to botanical gardens and have a good picnic under the sun and read a book. and of course expand my bank account with extra money. i've only been withdrawing money but not adding more in. \= so much for thinking that i'll be able to save more with my own card. and then when i've finally relaxed enough, i'm going to make my life worthwhile and upgrade myself! (= of course other commitments like shopping for prom(!!!) and catching up with people around me will also take place. i miss suikim and liting so much. o's have seriously deprived me of many things and i'm going to hava payback time after next week.

ok...so much for my rambling. there's like so many happy thoughts in my head. happy thoughts conquer negative ones! so that's good in that sense.

alright. hang in there everyone. almost done. almost

2007-10-29T23:01:00.000+08:00

no matter what, keep your eyes fixed on Him.

like what nicole always tag "Chin up!"

2007-10-27T11:08:00.000+08:00

when you walk away, i count the steps that you take.

you know reading juniors' blogs about how much they're gonna miss their sec1and2 class and how they promise each other to stay tight and everything even though they'll probably end up in different classes just brought back so much memories for me as well. like how g1'04/05 managed to win so many awards together and keep our grades among the first and second in the whole level. how everyone was just so tight and there wasn't any competition among each other to do well, we simply worked together as a team and all. all the promises we made but somehow faded with time. i guess some things gone will never come back. we've all moved ahead with life, just leaving memories behind. i'm just glad i didn't take my time for granted in lower sec. although i really really miss the true spirit of camaderie in the class, at least i know that i've treasure every second we had and i didn't do anything against my conscience. those were the moments which form an inaugrable part of my life in crescent. to say the truth, i guess i wont share the same sentiments for my upper sec class. in upper sec, everything was just somewhat different. especially in a competivite class like mine. i've really really felt that sometimes we're not battling the exams together as a class, but rather secretly battling against each other. correct me if i'm wrong. but that's just what i feel. but nonetheless, c3 has also formed a part of my crescent life.

oh wells. why am i talking about the past?!

anyhows, just for those who are wondering. papers next week are as follows:
monday: English paper 1 and 2 and emath paper 1.
i hope my brain can function well with 3 papers in a day. and i'm q freaked out by ALL 3 papers because english is like...)= and i'm q weak in my emath paper 1.
tuesday: Emath p2
wednesday: Higher Chinese p1 and 2
friday: physics.

i'm q scared by everything next week as well. cause i'm not confident of any. i hope emath would be fine and i dont make careless mistakes for paper 1.

on a totally different note, i'm quite disgusted with myself. the fact that i've strayed from God again. but then i must praise Him for giving me the calm before each paper. it's quite amazing how i dont shiver anymore while waiting outside the hall. how i just feel assure somehow that i will be able to do the paper. no doubt i'll be like chanting formulas in the canteen and stuff. but somehow i'll manage to calm down outside the hall and even talk about the most random things with chuting. hahas.

i cant wait for the week to be over. once it's over, it's just plain drilling of mcq and studying of SS. i hope what the school predicts for ss is accurate cause geog and history has been pretty off. \=

but those are over and i'm not gonna think about them anymore. i've really tried and put in effort this time. although the dissapointment might be really great next year, at the very least i've gave it my best shot. no more regrets like in common tests, mid year and prelims.

2007-10-26T09:13:00.000+08:00

4 days, 3 more weeks to go

nothing has been right. i guess it's a double digit.

just the start of the battle and i'm drained.

2007-10-21T16:00:00.000+08:00

it's more than just the things you do

i'm very very very stressed i think i'm gonna break/burst and all those nonsense. afterall which sec 4 isn't. tomorrow is the start of the very very dreaded o's. i'm not that worried for maths. i've really tried my hardest on this subject and i just hope my hard work pays off. (sorry if i sound ego). but i'm most worried for pure geog and elective history. i've not studied hard enough for both because i've been concentrating too hard on maths and chem. i'm really scared and i really shiver whenever i think about the scene next year when we get back our results. i think i'm just being too paranoid. but i really am. i even started crying last night and my mum thought i was going crazy. shit. i cant take stress.

oh man...just typing all these makes me wanna die.

in any case.
GOOD LUCK MY DEARS AND LET'S MAKE CRESCENT PROUD OF US.

will you give me a tight bear hug just to tell me everything will be fine? will you give me a sunflower and brighten my day? will you take my hand in yours and lead me through? will you just let me know i can lean on you every single second?

2007-10-17T21:05:00.000+08:00

barely hanging on

first week of o's is the heaviest week for me. )= i dont know how to survive with so many subjects which requires my brain space. with limited capacity like mine, i hope i dont throw the A's i need out of the window.

monday- Amath paper 1

tuesday- Amath paper 2

*i better dont screw up my math like prelims. it's my only A1 subject which i know i have the potential for.

wednesday- chemistry paper 2

* pls give me an A1 too cause my physics is beyond hope and i really work hard for chem

thursday- History

* i barely touched it. how to finish japan, germany and russia plus china first part! )=

friday- geography paper 2

* i still have 2 human geog chaps and 1 1/2 physical geog chaps.

so as you can see, i'm pretty dead for the first week already. much less the rest of the 3 weeks. i'm v stressed and i'm not studying hard enough yet.

ok...i'm going to lock my tablet up and not go online anymore. i better....

simply because i dont want to feel like this next year in jan/feb

i want to feel like this instead.

and lastly, to those who are feeling lost or unmotivated. just ask yourself what is your ultimate aim and work towards it. there's no time to wait anymore.

ps: i hope my photo entries are keeping you occupied. because 13 november seems so near yet so far.

2007-10-13T22:36:00.000+08:00

as those memories come flooding back like a black and white film

i've been feeling rather emotional the past 2 days. and figured that for keep-sake (in case my tablet crash some day and i lose pictures) here's some pictures which i love. pretty much on my friendster. but still...you never know when technology can fail you.

sorry i'm lazy to scan in the real ones. but this year's fotos are like really pretty (=

I&E committee 06/07 and 07/08.

as we start to get crazy...

i dont know what i'm doing. but i like my tiny ponytail then. (although i keep saying i want longer hair at that time. hee)

ruiqi and pearlyn

yuqi! i want your nice nice skin!

yasmin. my fellow clubber since sec 1

the speech which took much pain and tears to write. it's a good thing i didn't cry when i said it.

just after finishing the very last speech to the club

the 2 teachers I&E cannot do without.

it's michelle's turn to say her last words

V.CEO and CEO

the whole new comm. i really hope you guys treasure your time and keep your act together despite all the stuff i'm hearing. jiayou juniors. i have faith in you guys.

so apt

committee outing

when we get down to serious business

i'm taller than her for once!

my dearies

LU---CCCYYY!

classic epitome of happiness

check out their expressions. stupid shit. but my friends are all like that =\

like every other regular meeting

when I&E celebrates our many traditions. may our well-wishes come true. CNY 07

successor!

we're talking about real business here

and so i get a cert for...(=

pretty cupcakes from ms tan on my birthday. too bad i didn't manage to get on with the words I&E. but nonetheless they're the prettiest little things. (= get me a dozen in an array of designs and i'll love you. =P

the place which holds many fond memories. the hours we spent transforming it into a cozy place. i wonder how it looks like now.i'll never forget the times when we got locked and and have to call ms tan for help. haha. memories

ok.so i realise that i can just keep going on and on. all these are just enterprise. there's still like class etc. so i guess that's all for now. my books are beckoning to me.

2007-10-10T20:47:00.000+08:00

sometimes i feel so alone in this battle. i want and need to do well. but then again everyone is at their peak during this crucial period while i'm still struggling at the bottom. everyone's improving except me. i'm afraid. afraid of everything.

at other times i know that i'm not alone. at the very least i have God by my side.

but most of the time i dont know what to think anymore.

everyone is showing their true colours now. be it good or bad. even myself. i cant stand myself sometimes.

i just dont want to regret in feb next yr.

sometimes friends can only do so much. the rest is very much up to you. i need to know that i'm not alone. please.

2007-10-06T17:21:00.000+08:00

may crescent remain in our hearts.
4C3 Class of the Year 2007!!! =D

oh man. so i kinda officially graduated from crescent ytd. (despite the fact that i'll still be going back for the big o's).

actually i've got alot to say. but i dont think with the 5 mins i have, it'll do justice to crescent. so i'll leave it till after the o's and when that fact really sinks in.

but one thing's for sure. i'll miss the crescent life (actually i've been missing it ever since prelims). and i'll miss my friends and teachers there. i think this kinda feeling is something which can't be described, you got to experience the whole thing to understand.

to think last yr i was telling myself i still have a year more in the school and there's no need for me to cry like the sec 4s. but now being a sec 4 myself, i understand every single emotion running through them. at first you feel confuse, as if it's a dream you're leaving. and then after that reality sinks in and you realise you'll never get to enjoy the crescent spirit and class life anymore. soon you become sad and start crying. and after that all you can do is reminise about the past and think of those 'good ole days'. it's always like that. things like this, humans need time to adjust and adapt to.

crescent has nurtured me into a better person, no doubt about that. crescent has given me many pleasant memories and unique ones i wont be able to find anywhere elso. be it mass runs, funfairs and even those much dreaded mock tests and english writings early in the morning. no matter how much i moan and groan over them. i think that's what makes our lives as Crescentians complete and fun. i think i'll even miss pushing myself to the limits and getting my brain to work as early as 7am to churn out creative paras or summaries. it's crazy but i kinda like it now.

whatever the case. we can't change the fact that we'll be leaving crescent. there's no crescent jc we can go to, but there's one last thing we can do for the school. that is to bring honour to the school by doing better than the previous cohort in our o levels and continue to put crescent into the band 1 schools.

practicals start on tusesday next week. so my darling sec 4s, gear up and PEAK for the big o's!

2007-09-27T16:26:00.000+08:00

with all my heart, i thank you Lord

alright. i'm sacrificing my 1 post in 2 weeks for this special entry.

remember all the emo posts i had before and during prelims? remember all the times when i broke down and ranted about all the uncertainty i was feeling? Remember the times when i said i'll definitely fail? But most importantly remember the times when i had the faith that God would lead me to the place that is best for me? well, i've always held on to that faith but of course there will be times when i become spiritually weak and then succumb to all those thoughts in my head. But God has been faithful and has never ever failed me in my tiring walk in this life. I'm extremely thankful. Thank you. He lead me through the troubled waters to the green pastures. now i understand that particular verse to a deeper level. although the final hurdle is not over, i know for sure and can trust that You'll walk with me through it all. There's nothing i need to be afraid of.

so we all got back our results today. With moderation i did pretty well. L1R5=8(it might change to a 7 if math is moderated).too bad my english is A2, if not it might come to a perfect score of 6! but never mind, learning to be content with what i have. (= it's more than what i can ask for already. to others it might not be anything amazing since q abit of people got at least a 7. but to me i guess it's good enough cause i've always been getting a 12 for upper sec.

ok...so this might be contrary to my reaction in school these 2 days, but after sitting down and thinking it through at home. i decided it's time for me to praise the Lord instead of asking myself why haven't i done better. i cant say that i feel completely at ease with my results since i did deprove in certain subjects. For example e and a math. first time in my entire upper sec life did i get A2 (for both somemore). i was really upset yesterday and couldn't help but allow those tears to fall. but thinking about it, it could have been worst. And despite the fact that i did deprove for those 2 subjects, i improved for higher chinese, chemistry, combine humanities and geography. And i did manage to get 2 A1s before moderation this time. for that i'm really glad. I guess i just got to work harder for my physics and maths. to say the truth, i felt so inadequate the past few days. i felt as if i wasn't good enough for anything. i felt that i'll just do extremely bad for o's although i managed to survive prelims. you might think i'm crazy. but my self-confidence did went all the way to the bottom. and i seriously contemplated dropping physics (actually i still am). chuting can be a good alibi of all the swinging emotions i had. i'm glad she was by my side. (= Thank you, girl. but i've gotton over that phase, more or less. although i still lack the confidence that i'll be able to achieve my goals for o's, but at least my results this time boosted me up a little. i'm just praying that at least i can maintain my L1R5 at 8 for o's.

it's quite ironical how i was fretting over the fact that there wont be any schools for me to go to with my results. and now that the prelim results are officially released, i'm fretting over which school to go to. i really dont know where to go. edwyna and chuting are highly possibly going to ____ while i dont know if i want to go there. but if i dont, i got no friends to go ___ with me. )= aiya, like i said many times, i hate making decisions. if only i live in the east, then i'll definitely go __.

i shall see how it goes. and should i drop my physics? it's like neither here nor there. it's below average based on class msg, but then i've already come so far. finished the entire syllabus and paid for $100 per session tuitions. is it worth it to give up now? but then again, holding on and not sure if getting an A1 is within my capabilities is another worrying factor. if i do a subject, i really want to do it to the best. and keeping this subject means i need to work super hard on it. but dropping it means i've got more time to salvage my weaker subjects. hiaz. i dont know what to do. \=

but anyhows, i'm really thankful with what i have. it's only with God's grace have i managed to pull through it all. He's really the shepherd of my life.

and of course all my supportive friends for being there. (=

2007-09-23T23:03:00.000+08:00

officially on HIATUS!

till after o levels with occasional posts in between if i feel like ranting (note to self: occasional=1 in 2 weeks)

please kill me if i post more than that.

2007-09-23T15:15:00.000+08:00

i need more than just that

i'm struggling between falling sick and being normal. for half a day i'll feel fine, just a little tired but nothing more than that. and for the other half of the day i'll feel really dead and like someone is constantly squeezing my head or sth. sucks when you're falling sick but just not yet. i've been popping panadols, clarinase, lemsip max and all those rubbish but nothing is working. the most i'll feel fine for the next few hours and then start feeling dizzy and all.

i really dont want wednesday to come. and i have alot of papers to complete. i feel so drained, so tired. it's an impossible feat. i wish my parents would forbid me from going out.

but ytd was a good destressing session. went to mind's cafe to celebrate edwyna's birthday. played games and had dinner. at least i didn't think about all those stuff running through my brain.

anyway, hope you had a good day ytd dear!

ok...my papers are beckoning me. i think i'm going on a hiatus from now. i'm determined to get my A1s. even if i dont, at least i know i've done my best. and another reason is that i wont have to explain to anyone about my prelim results which are coming out on wednesday.

to those still doing final years or going to do o level's
here's a meaningful lyrics to jay chou's wo niu which i heard on the radio ytd.

该不该搁下重重的壳
寻找那里有蓝天
随着轻轻的风轻轻的飘
你静得像都不敢歇忑

我要一步一步往上爬
等待阳光静静看着它的脸
小小的天有大大的梦想
重重的壳挂着轻轻的仰望
我要一步一步往上爬
在最高点撑着夜往前飞
让风吹干流过的眼泪
总有一天我有属于我的天

2007-09-21T22:57:00.000+08:00

celebrating singlehood =P

oh man...i hope attached ppl like __ ____, ___, etc etc wont kill me for that. hahas. but anyhow. yes. i'm glad to be single. as of now that is. so juniors and friends alike out there, please stop thinking i'm hiding something because i dont.

actually i've got nothing to blog about. just to make use of the time to blog since i'm going on a hiatus soon and start to work really really hard. i dont need to wait for my prelim results to know that. and not that i haven't been mugging hard, but i guess it's just not good enough yet. too bad for me. it's gonna be hell. but hell yea, i'm gonna make it work out somehow. (it ryhmes!)

anw, post prelim has been a bore but it's getting really crazy too. like today we checked our chem MCQ, practical, emath and english. error analysis without our answer scripts! what is this?! i need to know my mistakes before the correct answers can make a permanent impression in my tiny brain. i have extremely limited brain space. like less than 1GB or sth. so it's extremely hard for me to remember something. anyhow, the math department gave us a wonderful 5 sets of prelim papers to be done over the weekend. plus ms ang's everyday one paper policy, it means i need to complete 3 sets per day. which is highly impossible since there's other subjects. ))= school is stressful and upsetting.

and staying home is not much better. i'm damnit frustrated with everything but there's nothing i can do. at least for the home part. argh.

stupid stuff happened and i'm completely thrown off my blogging mood. goodbye. i should go sleep and run away from all these shit.

2007-09-20T12:15:00.000+08:00

too much to bear

lady in me day ytd was q fun towards the back. i like the etiquette part. that's the only thing that kept the alive for the day. as for the earlier talks i was just like stoning and trying to fight the sleeping bug. i didn't fall asleep ok! but i looked so bad ytd, on top of horrid boring white blouse and black pants, i had terrible eyebags cause i couldn't fall asleep at night. woke up more than 5 times in 5 hours and yea, basically lost alot of sleep. i dont have pictures for now since it's everywhere in everyone's cam. i refuse to use the cam at home now cause it's a lousy 3.5 megapixel when everyone has like 8 megapixel now?! what is this, and my parents refuse to get a new one. so i end up borrowing from everyone. hehe.

anw i was so tired and sick ytd after reaching home. my nose was blocked and leaking all at the same time. i sneezed and cough till my throat burns. i thought it was just due to the lack of sleep but was afraid to nap since it would upset my whole sleeping routine at night. so i remained awake till bout 10.30 and just went to sleep without packing my bag for school and all. woke up this morning and decided not to go to school since i'm still have a splitting headache although the block nose and cough has pretty much cleared. but i'm still going to school later at 3.30 for chem practical since it's the last session and mrs chia doesn't allow me to make up on friday instead.

ok...short entry. nothing to share...

P.S: i really wanted to go sit in for enterprise later cause i thought chem prac was the earlier slot till about 3.30. i really need to go for one session and just relax and have fun in an environment and around people i know who wont judge me. but i guess there's no chance now. and maybe they've even stop meetings since end of years are coming for the juniors. i really feel so out of touch with the rest of the school now. for the past few weeks, sec 4 just come to school, take exams and go home. ytd was not much better. come to school, get stuck in the hall from 8.45-4.45 with recess and lunch breaks in between only. horrid. i need to feel the crescent way of life before i officially graduate. )=

2007-09-18T16:40:00.000+08:00

here's to the night we felt alive.

oh man...finally over!! the longest exam period ever. about 3 weeks in total? the whole process was horrid, but i'm glad it's over. no more emo post. at least for the rest of the week. i dont wanna think about the results, i guess i'll be mentally prepared by then.

Thank you dear God for being by my side throughout. I love you dearest Father in heaven.

i guess sometimes what sets people apart is not our achievements, but the way we react to failures and setbacks. i want to be the strong one. and i really hope i do be one.

actually i've been reading my sms in my inbox (i've got about 600 plus) and i realised that i've actually started revision for prelims way earlier than any other exams. so for that i'll stop complaining. at least i know i've tried to do what i can and although i still end up rushing towards prelims, but there's not so many regrets afterall. Everytime i reflect it feels as though i've not done enough and i'm even more unprepared than any other exams. But i guess there's no end to learning, it's more of a matter of how much you've done rather than whether you have finished or not.

but for now, all i know is that i'm really tired and i just want to go and sleep. which is what i'm gonna do after this post.

tomorrow is lady-in-me-day. since it's a once in 4 years thing, i'll wear something different i guess? i was feeling really lazy and even contemplated wearing school uniform since my mum doesn't have working clothes. but managed to borrow decent stuff and i guess i'm gonna wear them. can't decide between normal blouse or stretchy shirts though. shall ask chuting to bring her cam and take loads of pictures. i just hope we dont feel dead tomorrow.

ok i'm gonna crash now...

2007-09-17T13:53:00.000+08:00

chinese post since it's chinese paper tomorrow. remember to change to unicode if u cant see what i type (if you even bother that is)

有时我真的觉得非常累. 有时真不知为了什么这么拼命...是为了取得成功吗? 是为了证明自己吗? 还是只是为了那不值钱的面子? 我想全都是吧..? 当然我也真心希望自己能做好学生的本份, 希望我能把最好的献给主. 但生命/生活的一切一切真的让我觉得很疲累, 有时这么拼命但却不知为了什么. 现在我似乎变成了一个迷失的小羊, 在广阔无边的草地上漫游. 眼前只有一片草地但却看不见牧羊人.

有时真的觉得放弃是最容易的选择. 放弃了就不必受这么多苦, 放弃了就不必向他人解释自己为何不够好, 放弃了... 但是放弃也是最懦弱的选择. 还记得曾写过一篇作文, 题目是"放弃是个容易的选择", 但老师所要的不是学生描述自己如何放弃, 而是要学生通过描述自己如何在最艰难,坎坷的路上坚持到底并取得成功. 是的,当我们遇上困难时, 我们不应选择放弃. 严格来说, 放弃这两个字眼根本不应该出现在我们的脑海里, 它根本不应是我们所考虑的选择.

说了这么多, 希望我真能说服自己继续往前走.

谢谢你门坚持读到这. 我知道我的华文水平烂到极点, 对此我只能说对不起, 我真的是尽力把我的母语搞好但始终并不能成功. 可能有些事永远会是这样的吧...?

我并不要求自己一定要"脱颖而出", 我只希望能够...

2007-09-14T14:27:00.000+08:00

there's always a rainbow after a storm

to those who read my blog: i'm sorry for boring you with endless emo posts for the past few months. i know it gets really irritating when you read just emo posts. there's really so many others out there whom i never imagined read my blog. be it those who tagged or simply dropped me a msg via sms/msn. i really appreciate your words of encouragement. it's not easy but i'm trying. once again, thanks for everything!

e math paper 2 today was much better than paper 1. not the best but i'm extremely thankful that i did ok (i hope) i finished the paper in top speed cause i was expecting difficult questions at the back. surprisingly it's alright. i lost more marks than i can afford, but i'm thankful that at least i managed to attempt every question. a1 is gone unless they moderate, but nonetheless, i could feel Your presence and that's all i can ask for.

geog was a blur. but no, this time i'm not gonna complain or whine about it. so there.

i'm taking a break for a few hours. remaining papers are rather easy to study for, i guess... physics prac on monday which i've got 0% confidence for since pract sessions were a blur. tues is higher chi both papers. the only thing i can do is read up for paper 1 so that's what i'm gonna do and hope that what i read comes out. higher chinese is one subject that is unpredictable. but most of the time i scrap passes. things got a little better this year, but it's still up and down and i still dont have the confidence for it. but since i've already made it all the way here, survive the chi o's last year, i might as well go all the way. lucky for those who end today.

i've been thinking alot since i got home just now. and a simple remark by hani just totally struck me. this morning she said "we only got about 2 weeks left in the school". and yes, that's pretty much our time left in crescent and then now i'm getting all upset about it. i dont want to leave this place. it's a place where i made many friends. and no matter how much we say that we're "friends forever" (in lower sec) and that we'll keep in touch and everything. somewhere at the back of my mind i know that forever doesn't really exist. along the way, we will break up. maybe we'll get the chance to meet up again 10 years down the road, maybe we'll never meet each other ever again. it's funny how 2 person can get so close and be the best of friends in a few months or years, but then later become total strangers. maybe it's really true when they say that friends come and go. you win some and you lose some. i'm not saying that i've got no faith that my friends and i will still continue as friends and all. but reality bites and the fact still stays that we'll soon drift apart. it's just a matter of how far apart. i'm sure there will be some i know i can always count on, even if it's like we've never spoken in months and stuff. but other close-but-not-so-close friends will soon fade with time and then maybe disappear altogether. but moving on is part of life, no one can resist the passing of time.

oh wells. maybe the rest should just remain in my mind...

2007-09-13T21:32:00.000+08:00

dear yuexi,
please stop giving up on yourself and just hang in there for your last 3 papers. just 3 more days to endure. (at least before results day) Life doesn't just revovle around studies, a few years down the road you'll realise that academic achievements are just a minor part of life. there're many other things worth fighting for as well. just hang in there and it'll be over before you now it.

with much love,
yourself.

p.s: your letter writing format is wrong

ok...i think i'm just deluding myself and going abit crazy by talking to myself.
ignore me pls.

2007-09-10T13:49:00.000+08:00

give me a happy pill, that's all i ask of you

everytime i come online, type out a whole long post about dissapointments and failure, click the publish post button and decide against it 5 mins later. so i find myself going back to edit the post and saving it as draft. there's like 3 such posts already. so count yourself unlucky if you managed to read any. but i doubt anyone got the chance to since the only regular reader i can think of is pearlyn, who only comes online once a month or something. then of course there's occasional ones like nicole. pls do leave a tag if you visit so i know who reads my blog!

i really cant wait for the day when i can delete those posts without a sigh, or maybe read those posts and just laugh at myself for being so emotional.

prelim is more than just a test of your academic knowledge. it's a test of how well you can go through the whole emotional roller coaster of screwing up almost every paper although you studied and then picking yourself up and going on this whole ride again. it sucks.

oh man. i better stop all these.

goodbye.

just one week and 2 more days.

btw, i dont intend to go to school for the first month anymore. the rate that everything's going. i'll be thankful if i get less than 13 pts, but i wont question God if i get more than that. i'll probably just go home and cry the shit out of me and prepare to make my one month useful. (dont ask me why this number, it's just that i dont like it. in fact i dont like a 2 digit l1R5.)

2007-09-01T18:46:00.000+08:00

you know i get very upset/disturbed whenever i read in senior's blog that they do shisha and stuff. dont they know that the effects of shisha is even worst than smoking? and i'm very upset that they can get their hands on shisha so easily. walk along haji lane/arab street and you can see alot of teens doing it. i mean, some will argue that it's SUPPOSEDLY healthier than smoking, but it freaking isn't ok! do your research first. others will argue that everyone else is doing it and it's cool to do such a thing. personally, i really dont think it's cool to have smoke wafting out of your nostrils and mouth. you'll just look like an ugly dragon! oh wells, just my two cents on this matter and i really dont hope to see my beloved friends and seniors harming their health. it's really sad that people nowadays are so easily swayed by trends and all. i'm not saying that i dont succumb to such stuff. but i know my limits. certain things can be followed, others is just a strict no no. sure, i get like to shop like every other teenager. i like to do alot of things, say alot of things, wear alot of things teenagers wear. but one thing i can assure you. i wont do anything which will harm my body. i guess setting your own personal limit will help you to decide between what the things you want to do and should do. alright. enough on this matter.

i cant seem to get down to work. shit ass.

2007-09-01T10:22:00.000+08:00

the ultra sweet chinese songs by chen laoshi's chinese class.
reading the lyrics is one thing, listening to them sing is another.
but the lyrics are still good. (=

魔力
I have you to be with,
Everything will be easy,
再多测验
再多考试
都值得努力

I have you to be with
才懂华文不难容易学习
只要坚持
绝不放弃
会考好成绩

Verse 1:
曾灰心以为
梦想无法实现
太多科目很疲累
只有你能了解

Verse 2:
但是你的热忱
加上你的付出
打动心灵
让华文变得特别

Chorus
你是我的魔力
想要靠好就找你
一起努力
彼此鼓励
都值得回忆

你是我的魔力
口试不好我就找你
删除忧郁
复制快乐
笑容多甜蜜

Repeat Verse 1, 2 and chorus

幸福是在课室里
没有单人的座位
要手牵手才能一起走下去

Repeat Chorus

I have you to be with
Everything will be easy
再多眼泪
再多失望
都坚持到底

I have you to be with
才懂华文不难容易学习
只要坚持
绝不放弃
会如欲随心

if i'm the teacher i'll be touched beyond words. ((=

2007-08-31T17:52:00.000+08:00

to take things a little more slowly

ok...so i'm feeling much better after just chucking my books aside for bout 48hrs and simply unwinding abit.

call me superwoman cause i slept at 12.30am and woke at 4.30am today. woke up so super early just to make super cute bento sets for teachers' day. i think it doesn't taste that nice, but it looks cute! i'm happy and satisfied at least. and i've recieved pretty good feedbacks from those i gave. actually i only gave 4 teachers since it's impossible to make so many in such a short time. it's super time consuming ok!

but then all the teachers seemed happy to recieve it so i'm glad. and 3 out of 4 msg-ed me today to thank me again. so i hope my culinary skill wasn't too bad huh. first time ok. dont play play. (and i seriously think the staff room is a bitching place cause i only told one tcher what time i woke up to make the bento sets and suddenly all the other teachers i gave mentioned about the fact that i woke up so early and stuff. so now you'll agree with me that news, whether good or bad, spreads like wild fire in the staff room. but this time, i'm not too pissed off. hahas)

and i must say that exco did a good job for teacher's day concert today. everything was just nice and there was a mix of different programmes. not just singing and dancing, but also videos and stuff. and they even thought of giving out small treats to the teachers at regular intervals to keep their mouth busy. very thoughtful indeed. and i especially liked the item put up by the chen laoshi's sec 4 chi class. they rewrote the lyrics to a song and the lyrics was so meaningful. i cried like shit although i dont really know why. i guess it's partly because in just a few months i'm gonna leave crescent and i'll really miss alot of things here. Given a choice i rather not move on to JC, but then again, there's no such option. I'll really miss the Crescent culture, spirit, fun, teachers, atmosphere and simple every single bit about the Crescentian life. i must really say that Crescent has given me many opportunities to grow as a person. Be it tablet demo as a class in lower sec, representing crescent in the global leaders' forum as one of the speakers, being in Council exco as the discipline head and being Enterprise CEO etc etc, i am really thankful towards the school for really grooming me into a better person. ok...enough about this cause i can just go on and on about it. hahas. And of course i was feeling so stressed up over everything and the fact that the song was saying something about how chen laoshi helped them when they are stressed and making chinese seem so much easier, helping them achieve their personal best results and all, it really touched me and brought me to think about the future. Am i going to be thankful and happy for my results? or will i be tearing and scolding myself? And it also helped me to reflect about the various teachers that have crossed my path in the past 4 years. Sure, there were some who really pisses me off because i dont understand their lesson or cannot tolerate their bad temper, but at the end of the day, they would have helped me in some way or another. Some may make a big impact, while others hardly any, but they definitely play a part in making my life in crescent different. It made me think about the way i felt and treated my teachers. Like for mrs gek and mrs chia, i kept complaining about them and didn't really make an effort to pay attention to mrs gek, but i've decided that maybe i should just try abit harder and understand them instead of just complaining. But of course, there are certainly times when listening to mrs gek is not much of a use. (i'm sorry!) Seriously, I'm thankful that i've made the choice to be part of this crescentian family in p6 although i had my doubts then. oh man, i really dont want to leave crescent. And the next formal assembly i'll attend is farewell assembly. Time seriously flies man.

After school ended, i headed home first before going over to town to meet pri school friends. i really dont want to talk about the gathering, but i guess it was alright. but i learnt that you cant expect much from guys, especially at this stage cause they're just undecisive and loud and yea....you get my point. i'm sorry but that's how MOST of them acted today. with exceptions of course. And i was lazy to dress up properly today and everyone was commenting on my shirt which i got from sandra. ask me if you want to know why. But yea. And they said that i looked damn fierce! like WTH! where got lah. i kept smiling and laughing ok. where got fierce. tsk

ok...i'm gonna sleep early and start my engines tmr. no more slacking.

2007-08-30T20:38:00.000+08:00

it's a time when scraped knees and plasters come together

seriously, prelims leave me agitated and upset every single day. after each paper i feel so dejected. i feel as if it wouldn't matter if i studied or not because at the end of the day i didn't do as well as i wanted to. but then, before the day ends, i'll pick myself up and assure myself that God will just give me the grades i deserve and put me in the place He thinks is the best for me. so it's like a plaster over a wound and off i go mugging my ass off for the next paper. and the whole cycle repeats itself again and again. it' stressful and extremely upsetting, but what to do?

and so, chem paper was easy. for paper 2. but i made silly mistakes and lost marks all over the place for them. i'm upset, very upset. I dont think chuting will see this, but i really appreciate having you beside me after each paper and just asking me to stop thinking about my papers while going home. i'm sorry for all the rubbish i got to put you through.

so i was in a horrid horrid mood today and even more so when i called home a hundred and one time before someone picked up the phone. i freaking had a bad day in school then i was stuck at the busstop because i didn't have an umbrella to go home. I called my dad, my mum and home but none answered. somehow i felt to helpless standing down there in the rain. i know it's not exactly their fault and it was kinda wrong for me to shout into the phone, but i just wanted to get home so badly and just pretend nothing was wrong. i guess it's just a phase i'll get over with. all these moodswinging rubbish i cannot stand it myself.

and i ended up going to vivo with pearlyn after reaching home and slacking around for awhile. it was a good break from all the crazy revision but i kinda feel guilty about everything now. it's time to hit the books.

and i dont know if i should go for pri school gathering tmr. i miss my friends, but my prelims performance beckons me to my books

2007-08-26T21:47:00.000+08:00

amidst all the stress and breakdowns we all had this week, i managed to find a calm i haven't been able to find in a long long time.

this peace can only come from God. The knowledge that as long as I seek the desires of His heart, my wishes and dreams will come true in due's time. I'm very comforted by quiet time sharing and sunday school today. Especially the fact that God has promised to give us whatever we seek. But of course this will only be achieved when we walk close to the Lord and naturally what our hearts desire will be what He wants for us.

Many verses from all across the Bible spoke to me. Be it sharing from friends or just random verses i see lying around in the house. i think His words of wisdom are the best medicine for the tense soul.

Although i cannot promise that i wont break down from time to time, i also can't promise that i wont whine and rant, but one thing i am sure deep down inside is that God will lead me to the place He thinks is best for me. I might what to go somewhere else, but wherever He places me in, i'll learn to accept it. I will let Him take the wheel and not control my life the way i want it to go. I do my best in preparing for the exams, He'll take care of the rest.

I also learnt that on top of being humble, i also got to have confidence in myself. Having confidence that God will equip me with the necessary knowledge i need. Hence, there's no need for me to freak out the night before an exam, or rather just minutes before the paper.

All these are easier said than done. But essential lessons I've got to learn.

So may God give you the peace in your heart and all the best for prelims!!!

2007-08-25T11:50:00.000+08:00

when the world comes tumbling down, will you hold up that piece of sky for me just to keep me safe?

silly pearlyn's post on her blog made me cry. it's totally what many of us are feeling and going through. oh man. we got to hold on. no one said it's gonna be easy, but we got to do it.

ok...random post.

i'm apalled with my english standard and the horror of the english paper keeps replaying in my head.

2007-08-24T18:41:00.000+08:00

it's just those nerves

you know english prelims today was actually managable if i think about it. but then again, i trip because of my nerves. second time already if you count o level orals. i can't stand it. i was trying to calm myself down and all before the exam. i really wasn't THAT nervous, just afraid that i wont have any good plots and stuff. so i prayed and felt a whole lot better. but when i started writing the functional writing and realise that my tone and everything was just not right, i started to freak. then i didn't have enough time to finish within the 45 mins i appointed for myself. nonetheless i forced myself to put down my pen and start on my compo.topic was on childhood. i thought of a few good plots but ended up writing a morbid and cliche story simply because i didn't think that i could write a good one for the plots i thought of. so as the time ticked pass, i became even more nervous. and there. english paper 1 gone down the drain.

paper 2 wasn't that good either. totally had no clue as to how to answer the first 2 questions. vocab was pretty bad too. i think the most i can manage for vocab is bout 2-3 pts. i just hope my summary is some miracle or something. if not it's gonna be a B or even a C for my L1. and that's like my entire L1R5 gone down the drain.

i hate my nerves. it's irritating me and making me screw up so many things. i wasn't that bad last time. i think i lost my self-confidence. hiaz.

i really dont want to make the same few mistakes for the rest of the papers. i really need to do well. sometimes i think it's just my own expectations which i can't live up to. my mum even wants me to go poly and not waste time so i can just study something i want to do next time. she said jc is for those ppl who dont know where to go. but then, i dont want to. maybe it's just my pride and all those stupid reasons. argh. can't stand it.

off to math tuition.

horrid day

2007-08-23T18:54:00.000+08:00

but you weren't there for me when i needed you to...

sometimes i wonder why am i wasting my life away like what i'm doing now.

i try so hard to do something worthwhile but i just end up slipping along the way and being all upset.

~~i'm damnit stress!~~

i want to be a paper tree, devoid of any thoughts and feelings, so i wont feel the stress now. and i can just watch the world rush past as i stand there in solitude, glad that God has given me all that i have. (i know i'm not making sense. how to take el prelims tmr?!)

2007-08-22T09:16:00.000+08:00

we all want a fairytale to happen

yes yes, i know i'm supposed to be on a hiatus and all. but today and tomorrow is stay-home-and-study-day, so just give me a leeway alright? anyway i'm waiting for my spree details to be confirmed so yea.

ytd was really scary. i had tummyache during cme exam but i thought it's just cramps or sth. went to cheers with zifang to get food and was standing under the sun for a few minutes whilst zifang finish her puff since we cant bring it in to the lib due to the smell. so yea, we're just talking and all. i was feeling perfectly fine. but as we were walking to the foyer my tummy became like super pain all of a sudden. then as we're walking up the walkway from the foyer to the lib, i totally black out. as in i know where i am and stuff, but i can't see anything in front of my eyes. that feeling was so horrble. like you're gonna die or sth. (i wonder if that's what u feel when u die) haha. so yea, i stopped and leaned my head against the railing a few times while zifang kept urging me to walk and get to the lib so i can sit down in the air con. thankfully i had her by my side and she led me to the lib. i was groping around in darkness at the last part cause zifang had to stop to talk to her friends and the only thing ringing in my head was for me to sit down asap. but somehow i made it back and just plong myself on the sit and put my head on the table. attempted to open my eyes to see but still cant. the most i could manage was like see images that resemble those you see on old black and white tv with horrible reception kinda thing. yea, v scary but then i was praying so hard and eventually i was ok. was breaking out in cold sweat and that feeling was so uncomfortable. lucky i didn't faint or anything. now, i fully understand the importance of health. health is not to be taken lightly, i'm serious.

ok...so prelims is starting after 2 days and i'm not even done with a single subject. everyday i go to school feeling assured that i've covered some stuff, only to find that i'm still way behind from others. then i start to feel all panicky and stressed up. hiaz. i'm just so scared but i've really been putting in effort this time. i think i'm gonna get more than 10 pts and i'll just bawl my eyes out when the results come out.

alright, the time tells me that it's time to hit the books again.

i go to school feeling like the first person holding the smiley and return home like the second. hiaz

2007-08-19T21:05:00.000+08:00

just a quickie to those who are wondering.

my o level's english oral was screwed beyond anything. i was so upset i cried when i went home. but thanks chuting for trying to cheer me up on the way home and preventing me from crying. i just hid under the covers straight after reaching home and pretended i was sleeping when i really wasn't. but after like 48hrs of complaining, whining and crying, i'm fine now. all's well. gotta try extremely hard to do well for the written papers though. hopes for distinction in oral has gone down the drain, but like i said i'm gonna do sth about my spoken english soon. so there.

i'm still not prepared for prelims, but what to do? just got to try now. afterall i've stopped going shopping and whatsnot. i want to get black/grey/white skinnies from peninsula straight after the last paper. i can't take it i tell you!

ok it's time to learn about coasts now. prelims are officially starting on tuesday-cme. (which i didn't even bring the book home) then english on friday and the rest of the papers following straight after.

it's so hard to stop myself from shopping. (inclusive of online as well)

2007-08-12T22:27:00.000+08:00

i'm going on a hiatus till the Sep holidays at least. i promise the next post will be a hip and exciting one cause i promise myself that i will reward myself with 2 good whole days of slacking during the holidays as long as i dont screw the papers before the sep hols. so wish me luck and all the best to those taking MTL results tomorrow and those taking EL o'level orals.

speaking of which mine is one thursday i'm DEADMEAT!

2007-08-11T11:10:00.000+08:00

mr mysterious strikes back

WTH. leave me alone yea? wait all you might, but i'm never yours. sucker!

you know i was so tempted when * asked me out for shopping just now. what's more * even offered to treat me to lunch and sponsor part of what i buy. i bet * knows i hardly get anything even though i can spend hours shopping. i was a good girl and didn't go to vivo on national day. i even went to run on wednesday after seeing chuting off.

anyhows, enough about that if not i'll start thinking i want to go shop and then i wont be able to study. i seriously dont think i'm putting in my 101% of effort yet. i'm so upset. but on the other hand, i keep saying i want to study but i end up taking breaks that are way too long for my own good. sheesh.

actually i've got alot of emotions running through me. but certain things are not meant for blogs. and i cant exactly pinpoint what those emotions are either.

ok pictures from national day.

Class Shots. thanks to Mrs Chia insistance. (=

Hani and I are the only ones smiling. spot us. that was taken during attendance taking i think

Lydia and Jiayi!! i helped with the mascot yo!

during the concert

our giant national flag against those puny ones most get during the concert. (btw i think jazreel has really pretty and long eyelashes. i want!)

yes, we were even crazy and high enough to go on stage although it wasn't part of the concert plans by the humans dept. 4C3 rocks yo!

yups, that's it for pictures. i'm lazy to upload more. And anyway liling has more.

2007-08-09T14:43:00.000+08:00

the hardest decision

mum whipped up the best lunch ever today. full western course with home-made fries and all. i had steak but i just went to the toilet with diarrhoea. it better not be the beef, since it was only half done. or even worst, getting that funny stomach virus my cousin and brother got a few days back. i cannot afford to fall sick. cannot cannot.

anyhows, auntie and cousins would be going back to holland again later today. and before she left she gave us $$$ each. 50 bucks no joke ok! so maybe i will forgive my cousins for making so much noise playing with the brother for the past 1 week. hehe. no la, just joking. apparently we might be going to vivo for dinner later. But i'm not too keen because i need to study and i've been wasting time again today. but then going to vivo=shopping. which poor yuexi has been deprived of for the past 2 mths?! seriously, i've havent been out for a proper shopping trip in a while. and since i now have the 50 bucks from aunty, doesn't that make it a perfect excuse to go get some clothes? hahas. shall see how. i'm just keen on shopping but not the dinner part.

ok..since it's singapore's 42th birthday today. let me do a short para about my feelings as a singaporean. you can just skip this since i think it's gonna be a bore. well...so i've been living in singapore for the past 16 years of my life, and there were certainly times when i fantasize about migrating overseas to say, australia or america. Afterall 3 out of 6 of my dad's siblings are overseas. with 1 in australia, 1 in america and 1 in holland. (the holland one is coming back to singapore for good next month tho) i always yearned for the time when i can study abroad, get away from the crazy singapore life, take the chance to learn proper english and all. i don't know if that will really come true, but i hope it will. nonetheless, as the years go by, i start to appreciate this little red dot more. i like the stability, lack of natural disasters and basically being able to walk on the streets without having to fear of being robbed etc. i guess that's something many people took for granted. but after going to china on the exchange prog last year and having to brave the cazy traffic and not get knocked down by a car. I'm glad that singaporeans are so law-abiding you dont really have to worry about cars not stopping at the red light. i'm serious. Furthermore, Singapore's economy is growing pretty much each year and there won't be a time for me to have to worry about my parents losing their jobs etc. i'm glad for the stability of this little island despite it's limited land space. Although we might be a small country, but i guess there's sufficient entertainment venues for us. And i'm certainly looking forward to the upcoming marina bay with all the exciting changes such as the singapore flyer. yups. but of course there will be times when i feel frustrated living here. sometimes i'm even ashamed to be a singaporean especially with our infamous Sing-lish. it's rather embarassing although it kinda makes up our singapore culture. I'm not saying that i speak perfect english, but it's just that some people speak so badly it doesn't look good to foreigners. Not to forget things like using tissue paper to 'reserve' seats and all. oh wells, so here's my take on being a singaporean. what's yours? (i'm not degrading singapore or anything so pls don't sue me for this para). i guess to a pretty large extent i'm proud to be a singaporean. (=

ok...so it's time to start the engines and mug. goodbye

2007-08-08T20:46:00.000+08:00

will you...? because i will.

national day celeb in school today was helleva fun!!! finally 4C3 is looking up with much better class spirit and i really hope it stays that way for the rest of the year and even after we leave crescent.

my maid tied my hair today and it was pretty pretty. (= went to school slightly earlier to help people braid, get the face paint done and all the random barang barang. everything was a mad rush. but fun.

formal ceremony in the parade sq before going to the landscape garden to take class photos. mrs chia was rather funny cause she kept making us go to different parts of the garden to take pictures. then we went to the canteen to eat and stuff.

the fun part was during the concert. we were all rather high and crazy. and someone, i think cheeshan, brought the national flag to the hall. it was mounted on a bamboo stick and we were trying to so hard not to let the flag touch the floor. but everything was so crazy and high(sorry i have limited vocab) and when the national day mascot competition started we cheered so loudly for our class. the whole class stood up and clapped. yea, the usual crescent style. but that's not the main point, the unique thing was that lydia and jiayi were supposed to start singing on stage while the whole class join in at a certain part. it was so funny cause i didn't really know the lyrics and stuff but still sang (with the wrong words at times). and during community singing, it was super fun cause on top of the usual swaying as a class and all, we also attempted to dance the class mass dance at the various songs. it was super funny cause the beat and stuff were different. plus when you have cheeshan in front of you doing super big and exaggerated actions, it would be a laughing session. i think mrs chia is rather surprised with our class cause she quoted that she was very surprised with our EXUBERANT class spirit. hahas. check the class mlg if you dont believe. cant wait for her to upload the rest of the class photos.

i'm lazy to elaborate further. but basically this will be the day i'll remember with 4C3. (i think i have rather limited fond memories with them as our class is rather quiet and subdue..?!)

so...will you swim the current?
will you scale new heights?
will you make it happen,
will you let your dreams take flight?
and...will you make the difference?
will you seize the day?
will you live each moment,
will you dare to find new ways?

2007-08-07T20:28:00.000+08:00

oh man. cca photos are so pretty i cannot take it!! i'm posting it here. click to enlarge. pretty pretty. pls pardon my egoism. best school taken photo ever. ((= too bad our money notes can't be seen in the fun shot.

2007-08-07T18:26:00.000+08:00

because the first is for the special someone

finally the long hols is here. not exactly a long one for me. but better than going to school everyday to go thru mock papers and getting so frustrated over all the things i can't do when i'm expected to know how to.

i hope national day celebrations is gonna be fun. 4c3 is up to something and i'm not gonna tell you what! =P i hope someone can settle my hair for me though.

but there's chem pract on friday which means i've got to drag myself to school when everyone would be enjoying their school holiday. boohoo. i just hope i'll be able to get the correct results for pract. i still feel so insecure and unsure about myself. And that should not be the case since pract exams are just round the corner. =(( science tutor even suggested to bring the chemicals over to my hse so we can try out the experiments. but the thing is he doesn't know the 'recipe' for the unknown substance so i doubt the home experiments thing will really happen. But i really need help with my practical!!!

i dont know if i should go for class lunch tmr. apparently not alot of people is going. But then again, i need bonding time with my class since i'm not exactly that bonded with them. furthermore i need to destress and i want to use the excuse to go shopping. But i dont think i'll be going in the end since i have tuition later in the day and i've yet to complete my hw.

i was tempted to go running just now. But here i am sitting in front of the comp. So you get what i mean when i say i'm lazy and i procrastinate too much for my own good.

somehow i miss suikim and liting. i miss my primary school days altho they were pretty much a blur and nothing interesting really happens. But at least there wasn't such thing as stress that time. Even though my math was horrible and i was so worried over it for psle, i don't feel as stress like now.

sometimes prelims give me more creeps than the big O's. no logic but that's just the case for me.

i'm sorry for the random post with no linkage between what i'm saying since i'm just typing what comes into my mind.

goodbye

2007-08-04T21:45:00.000+08:00

Thank goodness it's the weekends

yes. i needed it bad. i needed to have some time for myself, for the books and for the prelims.

history in the morning. was alright but not very productive.

edwyna's house after to continue with mugging.

call me the pro cuz i did my chinese compo straight after writing a super long english speech. (= an attempt to be effectively bilingual yo!

mugging session was productive today cause it finally dawned on us that we really don't have much time left till the big prelims and the even bigger O's. plus the piling mountain of past prelim papers made everything even worst. so yea, we manage to shut our kinda over-active mouths and just kept on doing work after work. i'm glad i've managed to finish my chinese tuition compo, el speech, one and a half chinese prelim paper and read thru china within about 3 and a half hours. ((= of course there's still alot more to go. But not bad eh.

actually i wanted to blog about something long today. but i guess i'll just keep it for another day when i've got more time to spare.

Jesus take the wheel,
take it from my hands,
cause I can’t do this on my own.
I’m letting go,
so give me one more chance,
save me from this road I’m on.

For You i give my all. Please give me the strength to carry on.

2007-08-02T18:11:00.000+08:00

sometimes we're just not good enough for the others. But to the rest, we are more than good.

we sit in front of that imaginary TV, hoping for something to flash across the screen.

It is hope that keeps us going.

really, the week has been rocketing downwards since yesterday. i felt so down, so upset over yes-nec. seriously, i really think we did great. everything felt to surreal. frankly speaking, we thought the champion trophy and prize money belongs to either nanhua or us, but little did we expect that was not the case at all.

sitting down there amongst the audience was an equally scary and nervous experience. (ok maybe not, but we were so nervous) i kept on slapping yuqi and pearlyn's legs when crescent was coming on. I'm so happy to see that the juniors actually put on such a splendid presentation. Jiali was a great speaker on stage, good use of stage space and very confident. Jingjing came on after i think. As a scholar, her spoken english is pretty good, everyone could understand her and she constantly had a smile on her face. Ok...i cant remember who came next. But Limin started off pretty well, i would say she improved as compared to those practice session. Dont be too hard on herself alright? You tried your best and as the youngest member, it's good enough. cheer up! Jessica was smiling all the way, great improvement from practice too. Jiayi even managed to memorise the figures and all. Confident as well.

I really admire those 2 nan hua presenters. their english is superb i kept going on about the fact that i want their kinda english.

All in all, it was a job well done. Then again, we were all nervous-wrecked when it was time for the announcement of results. we thought we could at least recieve the best visual award since we're the only group with flash animation and colourful, self-made ppt background and all. It was such an obvious choice, but somehow, we missed it. Not only did we not get the award we were so confident of, we didn't even manage to get into top 3. Ended up with a consolation. i was so shocked and upset and indignant and angry all at the same time i wanted to cry. seriously, tears were already welling up in my eyes. But i know i cant cry, for the team, for the club as an ex-CEO i can't. so there, i bit everything back and kept silent. I felt to dejected much less the team. it was almost as if i was part of the team. sad sad sad. but yea, i guess we got to learn to accept the unfairness of life. Even if we did not win, i thought at least _______ would get it. seriously speaking, non of the business competition i've been to have been fair. Business competitions are not as straightforward as, say track nationals. In nationals you just got to come in first and no questions will be asked. But in the case of such business competitions, it's very much up to the judges to decide on the winner, it all depends on one's view. extremely subjective i would say. so i guess we've got no right to say if the results were a fair one. On the other hand, i still feel rather sore about it.

oh wells. enough about yes-nec. at least it was a good experience and their presentation skills certainly improved. Cheer up juniors. I'm still proud of you guys. (=

so continuing on about how horrid my day was today. i totally screwed up both a math and emath test. i finished a math within 10 mins and was so confident that i got everything correct. it was only after we handed in the papers did i realise that i made super silly careless mistakes in the paper which costs me alot of marks. damn. i was so upset i wanted to swear and curse, but i didn't. instead, i let out a super irritated and loud sigh zifang and chuting was like "what's that for?". e math was even worst, i dont want to talk about it. it's more of a pass and fail rather than whether it's an A1 or A2. i'm upset. grrr.

and to top it all, i've got tons of homework to catch up on. there's history test tomorrow and i haven't touched my text at all. English mock to hand in since i missed it for nec. Thousand and one prelim papers it's impossible to finish.

i'm very upset and stressed. the condition of my skin tells it all.

i dont know if i should go for sparks to support the rest on saturday. i need to mug, but on the other hand i want to just chill and have fun. the thing is time and reality does not permit me to do so. ))=

2007-07-31T22:25:00.000+08:00

uncertain yet excited to a certain extent

you know i got so stressed up over the tests on every single day this week i ended up looking at the MOE website and checking out what subjects i can take in jc. and i kinda understand the H1, H2 and H3 thingy now. Not very clear but at least slightly better than the last time when i knew nothing about the jc system. hahas. so anyway...

I'm currently looking at these:
- Econs
- Geogrpahy
- History
- Mathematics
- Chemistry ???
- Literature in English ?!(i dont need to take lit in secondary)
- China Studies?!!
- Management of Business (only offered as H2 in millenia institute)

Yup. so basically i'm a very arts person as it seems. i'm not keen on taking physics at all, chem is not sure since i'm neither good nor bad at it. But chem is such a specialised subject. You either use it next time or you don't. Econs is what most people take i guess? But i heard it's pretty tough and difficult to grasp. And i really regret not taking lit!!! I really envy and admire the power of language. You can express so many things through language and find out the various hidden emotions in each word, each sentence. And surprisingly there wasn't any pre-requisites for Literature in English. But i'm still scared since i don't exactly have any basics for lit anymore and i'll probably just fail the subject. China studies seems cool but it's a new subject so i dont think anyone can advice me on that. But i dont mind learning more about China. Especially since it focuses on the fact that you learn about how China is gonna be an emerging global power and all. Really applicable and relevant (at least i think so). Management of Business is way cool! Especially if i'm serious in starting a business next time. I'm not too sure about that yet, but the thing is it doesn't harm to learn about business now right? The only setback is that it's only offered at millenia institute which means i doubt i can take it.

Anyhows, it all depends on which jc i go to and what they offer.

I'm scared yet a lil excited about my life after o's. Like which jc will i end up in, the kinda friends i'll make and all. I doubt i'll be going to the same jc as chuting or edwyna since we have so different plans for the future. Zifang is so totally out of the picture since she's gonna pursue her dreams. Even if we do end up in the same jc, we'll be in different classes and all. Choops wants to study _______ and i guess edwyna would be taking Lit and all. Whatever it is we still got to stay tight alrights!

Just 24 more days...
and about 2 more months to create the dream every sec 4 wants.

and i'm so relieved mr Koh actually went to do something about all the feedback sec 4s gave. At least our mock didn't end so late today. And yea, i see some improvements being made.

Btw, mass dance session today was only 10mins and we hardly taught the school our dance!!! Bt i dont think they really enjoyed it. Everyone was so stone and stuff. too bad we're the first class. But i think our class dance is nice. hmph!

2007-07-29T21:02:00.000+08:00

and in this crazy life, through these crazy times

i've been sleeping my saturday away. don't know why but i just felt so so tired. reached home at 1pm after speech day. bummed around and had lunched. fell asleep while memorising SS. selpt for 3 hrs straight. Woke up, attempted Chem. Dinner. Attempted SS which made me fall asleep again. i think SS is super sleep inducing when you're trying to remember the points. i hope what i study will come out for mock. only intending to study 2 chaps. And Chem is a goner, there's no way i'll be able to finish every single chap by tuesday.

so anyway, i ended up sleeping at 10.30pm last night and i slept a grand total of 10 hrs. But i managed to drag myself up by 7.30am today and get some more SS done before heading to church. Despite the long hrs of sleep i got last night, i ended up dozing off during sermon. not good at all. Mummy didn't even attempt to wake me up. tsk.

i really want to go out shopping. or at least indulge in some really sinful good food. But whenever i look at the study schedule which i have not been sticking too, the tears just start to well up and i cant seem to find the joy in doing any other thing. ~~it's just a matter of when i'll collapse.~~ strictly speaking, i've got no right to complain here. Everyone is going through the same thing. who am i to complain? in fact i have God to help me through this. i'm not alone. For that, i'm glad.

prelims in 25 days. and i'm not a single bit prepared. shit ass.

i want to do well. i need to do well. i want to see myself during speech day again next yr.

i shall get more SS and Chem done then.
There's a dream i want to accomplish. And i'm not doing it for anyone other than You.

And in case i don't have the chance to come online again before wednesday.

Good luck my darling juniors for Yes-Nec Finals on Wednesday! Give it your best shot i'm confident you guys can create the glory enterprise needs. Whatever it is, all the seniors are rooting for you. i really hope i can make it down on wednesday, but if i don't i'll be keeping my fingers crossed the entire time i scribble in the paras for SS mock.

With much love and good luck! =D

2007-07-27T22:33:00.000+08:00

you created the mess and left me all alone to clean up after you

it's speech day tmr. and the idea of reporting at 8am and sitting there for 5 hrs straight isn't that good afterall. i bet alot of sec 4s are ponning as usual. i dont exactly blame them, neither do i approve of their actions.

lessons ended at 12.15 today. i was rather glad for the early dismissal and went to hide in the library with the usual gang today. the last lesson was SS and malini was asking where will i be hanging out after school. The expected answer would be to go to town or sth, but i said i would be roaming in school. hahas. her expression was classic. funny shit.

study session was q productive i guess. i wasted so much time on my tuition hw only to find out later that most of them are out of syllabus and my worries were uncalled for. I was so worried when i could do less than hlaf the sums ok! yup. but there were funny moments as well and i realised a certain teacher is so calculative it's rather crazy. You know there's this milo drink which honour club members can drink in the library? that teacher even checks against the record book and honour club namelist PLUS count the no of milo packets left. it's crazy seriously. but too bad...there's nothing i can say. sometimes things under her is like a totalitarian state. One is not allowed to comment or otherwise be prepared to face purges. hahas. i think history is taking over my brain! i kinda like history but the fact that there's a thousand and one facts to remember and regurgitate for the exams kinda puts me off as well. it's the same for geography. irony.

anw. studying in the lib today really enabled me to see the studious side of sec 4s. seriously, everyone seems to be working so hard nowadays. Even those usual playful slackers are starting to get some serious work done. The atmosphere in the lib was just so good today since only the sec 4s dominated. Other levels were promptly chased out of the library by the libarian. I'm motivated to work work work! Shall try to stay for a night study session one day. Havent tried it yet. But yea...if the sec 4s continue this way, i'm sure we'll be able to do well for o's. (but i'm not so sure about prelims tho)

ok...i got to go read a ss chap before sleeping. Next week is gonna be hell with chem mock and SS mock. entire syllabus to cover. no joke.

2007-07-26T22:19:00.000+08:00

if you look hard enough, you'll spot my face in the crowd

ok. so i believe that all sec 4s have expectations from their cca, from their juniors. Especially when one is very very attached to the cca and has experienced the many ups and downs in their 4 yrs in it. and i think having expectations is perfectly fine. Even i hope for the best for my cca. I've always have dreams that Innovaton and Enterprise Club will make it big one day. Although we're not quite there yet, but i must say we have improved alot since my first day in the cca. i still remember the very first meeting in Seconday one. When we didn't even have a proper meeting place and had to walk around the entire school and finally end up in the lousy computer lab 45mins after the official starting time. (Btw, it was just enterprise club at that time. without the Innovation in front.) Everything was so chaotic and messy and noisy at that time. Students were screaming and shouting across the room, no one bothered to maintain discipline and order. The teacher was all alone in a desperate attempt to get everything and everyone in order. seriously, that was my first impression in the cca. I thought i had made the wrong choice in choosing this cca. All the discouragements and degrading remarks from seniors came flooding into my brain and i thought i better seek out a second cca just in case i don't get my cca points from I&E. But somehow, i managed to settle in this cca. And started to know really nice people like yasmin and the seniors. we worked together in various projects. However, it was only till sec 2 did i really feel proud of my cca. Before that, whenever someone asked me about my cca, i'll feel rather embarrassed and try to avoid the topic unless absolutely neccesary. And i joined competitions for my own sake and not in the interest of doing the CCA proud. But somehow, i started to feel more attached in Sec 2 and begin to feel the joy in going for meetings instead of dreading it. Although there were times when i would moan and groan about trainings, but it was only through such trainings did i learn more about entrepreneurship. no doubt the sessions were sometimes boring and dry, but i definitely learn from these sessions. so to cut a long story short. I definitely love my cca now and we have definitely improved in many areas. Like launching Fun With Animals in 2005, 50th Anniversary + Pullover+Mama store in 2006 and making it into finals for YES-NEC this yr. On top of these, meetings are now more organised and it's the CEO heading the meeting instead of the teachers. All these did not happen when i first joined the cca. And i'm proud of the fact that i'm in the first batch of first-cca-member to graduate from the club. i really hope Enterprise will continue to strive for excellence and keep on improving. No doubt i really wish you guys will win a competition and prove to those arrogants out there that I&E is not a slackers' cca, but ultimately, it's really the journey as an I&E clubber that we should all cherish. As a graduated sec 4 member, all i can do now is to reminise the past and come back occasionally for meetings. But the feeling will never be the same as last time anymore.

And to the other sec 4s who are really worried and stressed over the way their juniors is heading the cca, all i can say is that we got to learn to let go of certain things. Now is the time for their term of office, seriously speaking, why don't we just take a step to the side and let them lead the CCA. it's only fair to them since it's their one yr of leading the cca. this one yr is gonna be extremely short and it would not be possible for them to seek out new horizons if we as seniors keep breathing down their necks. i'm not pinpointing any cca or anyone here. I'm just saying that we started off in sec 3, unsure and afraid. We made mistakes along the way but it was only through mistakes did we learn. So why not let them face the consequences of their actions and let them reflect and learn. I always believe it's pointless to guide them on the safe path and not allow them to fall. It's crucial that they have a taste of what their actions will result in. Of course every senior wants to see the CCA prosper and will never allow any room for mistakes and backsliding. Even i think like that. But the point here is, there is no use fretting down here because we've already stepped down. The juniors are not obliged to listen to our every command anymore. In fact, we should be glad that they even listen to us. It's purely out of respect and nothing more than that. We're all perfectionist and we want to live up to expectations. All i can say is that just guide from the side and support your juniors. They'll need it. In fact they need your support more than your scoldings. You've been through what your juniors are facing. it was a tough time, i believe. So why make things even harder for them? And once again, let me make it clear i'm not pinpointing anyone here. This is just a general observation i've made and hope someone will agree with my point of view. I know talking is all easy, but action is another thing. I'm still learning myself. Sometimes i do get so critical about my cca and the way things are run. but whenever i put myself in the shoes of my juniors, i'll try to bite my tongue back and not comment. Having faith and confidence in your juniors is something every senior must try to learn.

Alright, i haven't been writing this kind of post for a really long time. i hope noone gets offended. And rmb to VOTE FOR CRESCENT!!!! (link in prev post)

because even in a black and white memory, we'll still be able to find a reason to smile

2007-07-25T21:23:00.000+08:00

pls go to
HERE!
to vote for CRESCENT!!! It will mean alot and whether we can make it through the finals! Gosh, enterprise finally made it thus far, it's just one more step away from our major victory so pls so help!!!

2007-07-24T22:41:00.000+08:00

the line was never met to be crossed

i lead a boring life i've got nothing much to blog about. i'm sorry for all the mundane posts now.

Ballet Under the Stars was not as good as i hoped. (at least in the eyes of someone who don't know how to appreciate ballet) but i'm really happy for the break, the wonderful company and the graceful moves of the dancers. everytime i watch a dance performance, i'll feel really touched by the grace and poise of the dancers on stage. don't know why but i can't seem to tear my eyes away even if i don't understand the 'story' behind each movement and the whole item. and i really appreciate the hard work and practice put in by the dancers. it's never easy to put up an item and to be coordinated with the rest. Although coordination was not really good that day, but i'm sure alot of time and effort has been put in. Especially in order to attain the basics in the first place. It was also good to meet up with SK again. (=

school has been alright so far. i think the Maths Department is seriously going full steam. E math mock/ test every single week and A math test pretty often too. Mrs gek and Ms ang give so much homework i'm only doing math everyday. i need to start on the other subjects but it's impossible to finish the math hw much less touch the other subjects. i'm probably not going to finish the hw anymore. it's way too much. And the past prelim papers are really scaring me. They are all so tough i think i'm just going to sit in the hall and start crying during prelims. i'm not exxagerating! it's so difficult. hiaz.

ok...my time's up.

speech day on saturday. stop asking why i'm not getting for council because i'm simply not good enough alright? i know it myself and i won't deny that i haven't been a good EXCO. in fact i'm a disappointment and i didn't live up to expectations. That i will not deny and i admit it. but it's too late for me to do anything now. and if i could make the choice, i would _________.

2007-07-19T21:23:00.000+08:00

i wish you enough.
it doesn't hurt so much anymore and i'm trying to accept again.

Enterprise totally rocks my socks!
seriously! just one hr plus and it totally perked me up and i kept smiling all the way from then. i love it love it love it!

went back to distribute the very very belated farewell present - newsletter!!! spent so much time and effort on it, i seriously hope the jnrs like it. if i find any lying around in the school or in the bin, i'll totally flip and start crying or sth. really took up so much of my time. but thinking back i think it's worth it. i might have been complaining, but the end product is so nice it makes everything so much better. i insist that it's nice ok!! i dont care. (((=

was rushing to complete the envolope before enterprise today and it was pretty fun doing it with pearlyn after school. that girl kept comparing our productivity and coming up with weird ratios to stress me. but it was fun whispering the latest office news and super thrilling exiting by the secret door. my heart was pumping so hard cause i was so scared we got caught or sth! hahs.

sat in during meeting to hear the yes-nec presentation. i think there's still ALOT of room for improvement. i hope everything is brushed up by saturday and good luck my darlings!! do crescent proud yea? and speaking of which, i'm so proud of my juniors!!! enterprise finally won a competition!!!whoots! i dont really know the exact details but the point is that we finally won a competition!! it might not mean much to those CCAs which are constantly getting awards and all. but it's high time enterprise got something after establishment 4 yrs ago. i'm so happy!!

oh man. i totally miss enterprise alot. i was so tired and all before cca but going for it totally perked me up and i was joking and having fun with everyone there. and some jnrs made me and pearlyn feel really welcomed. they totally came up to us and seek our opinions in certain projects. i really love the feeling of home i get from the CCA. i know my language is horrible and i really can't use words to aptly describe what i feel. but the main point is, i've haven't smiled and laughed so happily since my birthday. so it's really a good way to destress. love it love it.

(inserts a whole para of smileys!)

anyhows, it's racial harmony tmr and the whole class is gonna wear ethnic costume. i borrowed a punjabi suit from shamita. i was so tempted to buy a sari cause abi assured me that i could get one at only 20 bucks then wear it for jc too. but i was too scared to ask mum since she's been in a funny mood the entire week. but when i finally brought that up just now, she was like "why didn't you ask earlier??" hiaz. wasted man.

so now the big question mark is what shoes am i going to wear with the punjabi suit???!!

hmms...oohh! physics mock was surprisingly easy. we did the 2006 o level paper. if only our o level paper will be equally easy. i just hope i didn't do too badly since i didn't finish studying. the lucky thing was that those chaps i studied came out. so yay. i hope i did them correctly.

this week has been crazy with physics mock and a whole pile of amath hw. i think penny ang is mad to give us so much at one go, but then agn, it's for our own good.

Ballet Under the Stars!

2007-07-17T17:32:00.000+08:00

seven things that scare me:
1) being 162cm for the rest of my life
2) having horrid skin and scars for the rest of my life
3) straying away from God in sometime of my life (that's my worst nightmare)
4) being friendless
5) getting 9 pts or more
6) prelims and o's
7) uncertainty

seven things i like most about myself:
1) my family and friends
2) being a child of God
3) staying true to my values and beliefs (well...at least most of the time)
4) able to decide whether or not to go with the flow and keep to it
5) being able to convince myself of something (it's both good and bad actl)
6) able to act as if nothing is wrong and eventually be totally cool about it when initially that wasn't the case (then agn, it's both good and bad depending on the context)
7) able to make the effort to keep in touch with people who means alot to me

seven things i dislike most about myself:
1) lack of patience and good temper
2) my height and weight
3) my insecurities and lack of confidence
4) STUPID PROCRASTINATION!
5) superficiality. (sp?!) i mean i care about how i look although i dont really care how my friends look cause i like them for who they are. just that i can't convince myself to like the way i am currently (get what i mean?)
6) i tend to forget God when the going gets tough and always need reminders
7) i don't show my emotions well enough
esp to my family. i don't tell anyone in the face that "i love you" or "i don't like you". i just keep everything bottled up and keep away when i dont like someone. it's slightly better with friends but definitely not with my family. i need to show my appreciation more!hehe
8) my lousy language abilities be it speaking or writing. i need speech courses. (i know there's supposed to be only 7 points but i just had to add this in)

Seven most important thing in my room:
1) fan/air-con
2) the boxes of gifts/letters
3) my tablet
4) my bed+bolster+blanket (i can go without a pillow)
5) Bible
6) my big box of pens and random stationary
7) mirror

Seven random facts about me:
1) there's a part of me you don't know (except a few close ones)
2) i'm kinda interested in politics although i don't know much
3) i eat alot and then feel guilty afterwards. i try to go on a diet but my lingo is "diet starts tmr". tell me how to diet lik that! \=
4) i tend to eat alot of choc when i'm upset/stressed (which explains my weight)
5) i can be super motivated when studying with eddy and choops but later when i'm alone i just sneak online and waste my time
6) i like to shop but only 1 out of like 5 shopping trips do i actl get something
7) i talk more than i really act out what i say (STUPID PROCRASTINATION AGN)

Seven things i would like to do before i die:
1) go on overseas trip with friends only
2) set up my own business (maybe a small little quaint cafe or turn haji lane into a unique shopping area...i dont know. just dont rip off my idea. thank you v much)
3) be a good and unsuperficial person
4) go on mission trip
5) do something super sweet for my friends and family
6) build up a strong and reliable relationship with God
7) spend a week being a rich taitai and just wasting my life sipping tea in cafes and swimming in my own personal pool

Seven things i cant do:
1) get into a relationship for the next 6mths-1 yr at least (ok...so maybe even longer. and for your info i'm not a freak.)
2) having no secrets at all
3) not procrastinate
4) be nice and not dislike anyone (i'm trying to tho)
5) be confident
6) speak in perfect and proper chinese and english. (i'm so gonna change this...i hope)
7) be early (esp when meeting ppl...my friends you know this the best)

Seven things i hate: (actl i dont really hate..just take it as dislike ok?)
1) working hard and not getting the results i could have
2) my procrastination (this has appeared alot of times in this post alr)
3) my uncertainty
4) undecisive and unpractical ppl/ideas tho i'm like that sometimes. but i don't like it when it's so obviously unpractical yet the person waste time and tell me about it.
5) hypocrites. when the person act nice and then backstab like mad behind
6) moodswings and that bloody thing
7) when ppl start showing over-affection for each other in public. if you really got to do it, pls go find a corner and hide. personally the only reason i can find for ppl doing that is simply because they want the attention. esp teens nowadays. hiaz. dont be a show-off cause the next thing you might find is your mother glaring at you. hahas. actl that would be really funny!

ok...ripped that off from nicole. too much physics for my brain i need to do some stupid thing for now. hahas. ok...

physics mock i hope i dont leave the entire paper blank.